Waking Nightmare: Fucking Dark Force Day

(Thursday, November 16, 2017) moon waning crescent Scorpio / tarot ace of cups

This morning I heard my millennial coworker Blake making quasi-cynical, quasi-humorous chatter to our three new staff members about all of the recent firings. He said he and Katie belong to the “bitter club.” Those two are big fans of Adam, the sexual predator. I felt Blake’s conversation was completely unethical. I was very upset, so I asked Cyndi what she thought. She suggested I tell Blake that Adam was fired for good reasons and offer to provide him with background if he wanted it.

I brought it up with Blake and he refuted what I thought he had said. He denied being upset about Adam’s dismissal, which I knew to be an outright lie. I think I caught him completely off guard. He seemed furious with me. I apologized and said the situation has been upsetting me for months. So he was able to perceive the gist of the story, although he told me he did not want to know about it.

Half an hour later Katie and I were on a call with the Phoenix team. Suddenly the office alarm went off and we were in the middle of a lockdown drill, pretending that a shooter had entered the building. We told Phoenix we would be back in a few minutes. When we returned to the meeting, Erick made a joke about Adam breaking in with a gun. I said, “Yeah, the ex-cop.” No one heard me. Katie said nothing.

By this point I was so shook up I had to get out. At lunch I went to Barnes and Noble. Parked a few cars away from me was a black Audi convertible, the sleazy car Adam drives. And later, as I drove down Pilot Knob, a second black Audi convertible was driving in the lane next to me. How many convertibles are on the road in mid-November? Shadow synchronicity.

Our team had an introductory meeting at one o’clock with the new VP of marketing, Peter from Ecolab. He seems like a nice man, but he shared an odd photo of his family where his blonde wife wears super high stilletto heels and he folds his arm around her waist. Her back is so arched that her chest pops out like a Playboy bunny. She is very beautiful.

After the meeting we all received an email from our CEO, also named Peter, that the director of operations in Portland had been let go. And, the former VP of operations from Eagan, who had retired nearly five years ago, was now in charge of the Portland facility. That was not even the end of the crazy shit.

I ran into my friend Carrie in the restroom. “Did you see that Dan M. is back?” I asked in a highly animated voice. “Oh, my god, NO!” she said, horrified. “He’s another sexual predator!” She and I had gone to dinner together a few weeks ago and we had shared our sexual harassment stories. Today, as we stood together by the dirty old sinks, she told me about two women we both knew who had been preyed upon by Dan. I felt utterly sickened. I suggested she tell HR and she said it would be considered hearsay. True enough. She lit into our HR team and criticized their lack of support for these kinds of issues. I couldn’t really disagree. It took too long to fire Adam. I had to insist that his manager and my manager were informed of his misconduct. The second time I went to the VP of HR, she suggested I get therapy. That’s fucked up. It’s not the victim who needs therapy, it is the mentally ill predator that does. The victim needs justice.

I don’t even know how I can continue down this path. At 60, what is my choice? I need to have health insurance for Chris and for me. How apropos that I joined the Red Tara mandala in Glastonbury. Kali is a presence in my life. I wish I had a few male skulls dangling from MY fists.