Failure of the physical heart, failure of the spiritual heart

(Thursday, May 3, 2018) waning gibbous moon Sagittarius, conjunct galactic center

Dreamt all night, with just a few scenes from the long movie illuminated:

1.

My home seems to be part of a large conference center or community living space. It’s a bit messy. Life has been too chaotic for me to keep up with the housework. I know Chris’ mom is coming, so I quickly vacuum the wooden floor and am surprised to discover that the space is now immaculately clean. Pleasantly pristine, with no additional effort on my part.

I then see that Kay has arrived. She stands in the middle of the kitchen with the kind of grey absence of focus she had when her dementia progressed. She doesn’t notice me. She has a slight scowl on her face, the expression of confusion caused by the dimming of mind. A blank stare.

I know she has passed, so I wonder about this visitation. What message am I to glean from her presence? Her lack of presence?

2.

While I ruminate upon this in my dream, I see that my deceased paternal grandparents Helen and Edwin are entering my house too. They have not appeared in any dream for many years. Why are they here? I am again surprised. A visitation by three ancestors, all of whom lived well into their nineties. All died of congestive heart failure. All had painful, unsuccessful romantic relationships.

3.

Later in the dream I wander away from my home and enter the dream conference. It’s busy. Sheila A. is there, telling bawdy stories of the multiple sexual affairs she has been having. These sorts of stories do not entertain me: they are an expression of the ego element of the IASD that turns me off.

When I wake up, I consider that someone from my father’s family and from Kay’s family may pass soon. In contradiction, my mother’s sister-in-law and childhood friend, my aunt Deloris, is in hospice care.