(Tuesday, July 18, 2023) new moon Leo / tarot Judgement
I am the passenger in a car being driven by a man up a huge, steep black hill that is the entrance to a very long bridge. The elevation is so abrupt I cannot yet see the overpass section of the bridge. The dream includes no vision of the side of the road. I see the lane of the road and the interior of the car. No land, no clouds. The open sky is a strong presence.
As we near the top of the precipice, another vehicle appears directly in front of us, driving in the wrong lane. I can see two people through their front windshield, passenger and driver. They are androgynous, completely unconcerned about hitting us. Malicious, smiling. They keep heading toward us, front bumper to front bumper. My skilled motorist immediately begins to drive in reverse, down the slope at full speed. He is able to stay straight, does not swerve or crash, which I find unbelievable. I am terrified and I wake up. My heart is pounding with fear.
Day notes:
This weekend my mother (88 years old) fainted outdoors and had very low blood pressure. She did not go to the doctor. Yesterday and today she has had very high blood pressure. My Dad and all of my siblings want her to go to the ER, but she refuses. It was such a stressful family discussion last night that I could not sleep. My sister Jo and I have to settle with the fact that our suggestions about what our parents may need are not considered. Jo describes our sister Jamie and brother Kurt as codependents and I agree. They are in charge, but often make choices that Jo and I find extremely frustrating.
My bank account is dwindling pretty seriously (anxiety!) but my unemployment payment should arrive by Friday. Hopefully I get a payment each week until the end of January. Unemployment is more income than social security would be right now. Thank god.
After this dream I fell back to sleep and woke up with Gordon Lightfoot’s song “Carefree Highway” in my head:
Carefree highway
Let me slip away on you
Carefree highway
You’ve seen the better days
The morning after blues
From my head down to my shoes
Carefree highway
Let me slip away, slip away on you
Let me slip away on you
I am sorry to hear about your mom. I wonder why your mom does not want to go to the ER. Is that her M.O.? Maybe she feels she will be no longer be in control and does not want that. Or she is in denial? Who knows? There is no map for leaving this world, hey? Good luck with this journey. I love the song; what a gift waking up with it.