Author: bonniemitsch

I am at a conference. Bruce, Ardy, Chris and Dan are there. I make love to Bruce a few times. (Bruce is in his early 80’s and is the president of our Association in Walker. He volunteers a lot in town and is quite Hardy for his age-definitely no sexual attraction!!) I am younger than in waking life-maybe in my 50’s. The sex feels good. I feel bad, though, and decide to put an end to it because Ardy, Bruce’s wife, would be hurt by us having sex. Bruce would keep doing it.

I notice two men at the hotel/conference center. They are gay. One guy dresses in a suit. The other dresses in street clothes. They pass each other periodically and say hi. They have to keep their relationship hidden.

I see Chris. She tells me the day before she took her class outside to sunbathe. It was a beautiful day. Later Dan is there and he says he also took his class out to sunbathe. They used these short ropes and small nails to tighten the ropes for the people to use when sunbathing. Dan helps me with my rope and nails. I am not sure why I am doing this, but think I must have a class and will take them sunbathing.

Scene: I am leaving my hotel room and needing to lock the door with a key. I can’t lock the door from the inside like it should.

Scene: There is a four year old boy. His dad puts him on a pile of posters that are on a table in the hotel store. The boy climbs around the table on the posters. The dad goes off to look at something in the store. I keep an eye on the boy as he climbs around. He gets down and starts for the door. I go and tell the dad.

Daynotes: Had a rough day. Paul woke me up from a deep sleep at around 11:00. I got angry and couldn’t go back to sleep. Worked with Susan and Bryn on a dream. First we had a very good discussion about our sons and what we were struggling with, with them. I worked on the white horse dream. The suggestion was to allow the horse to lick me. Be receptive to nurturing. I talked with Paul about asking me how I am feeling. I feel I can’t show emotion around him. He tells me to get therapy like that will solve my emotional state and all will be fine again. I am upset about Kevin stopping story time with Rowan and Markus. Two days later, he tells us he is cutting us off completely.

My sister, Chris, has a little, three year old named Olga. She goes to a daycare. My cousin, Johnny, volunteers there. I come to visit Olga. Olga and five or six other children are playing in the water in a medium sized lake. This lake is behind the daycare person’s house.

I play with Olga. We play a rescue game where I rescue her when she goes under water. I then go off on my own, coming back a little while later. Everyone is now getting out of the water. I say, “Where is Olga?” I see a dark spot under the water. One of the children dives down, comes back and says it is Olga. I go and get Olga and carry her to the house. I do mouth to mouth on Olga for a long time. She is dead. I talk to the day care woman saying we need to call 911. She says Olga is dead and why pay $40. (charge if medical people come). I am devastated. I feel guilty. I should not have gone off even though it was not my responsibility to watch the kids.

I go to the basement to take a shower. There is just a shower head on the wall of a mostly unfinished basement. There isn’t a toilet. There is no towel so I can’t shower.

Later in the night/early morning I have this dream: I am again in the water with the kids and Olga is under water. This time I do rescue her and she is fine.

Daynotes: I am still having a challenge with my thoughts and feelings about Kevin wanting to cut Paul and I off from him and the grandkids. I find it interesting that I have the second dream and “correct” the first dream. This seems positive. Chris can be my spiritual/sensitive part. Maybe Olga is my inner child that needs to be rescued from these strong emotions I am feeling.

If Chris in the dream represents Chris, she is having a biopsy on a mass on her breast on Monday.

1. I am at an elementary school that is about to get over for the day. I wander around the playground. I go into a two room playhouse that is on the playground. I hang out there for awhile. In one of the rooms, there is a fireplace and it is set up for starting a fire-logs, etc. There is an adult woman in the playhouse that works at the school. I ask her when school is out. She says two minutes.

I go out of the playhouse. Older kids, maybe 6th graders, come out onto the playground. In this one area, there are three fire pits with logs, etc. ready to start a fire.The 6th graders light all three fires.I ask a girl who gets the fires ready for them. She looks at a sign nearby and says it’s so and so ranch (can’t remember). She is like a bored teenager. I move on. I see a classes of kids lined up in a few rows.

2. Denise’s dad is helping me find land. He sends me an email about some land. I see Denise and ask her how old her father is. She says he is 99 years old. She implies that he doesn’t really know what he is doing.

3. Two images: A round, gold watch like one you would have on a chain-like in the old days. It looks new. I get it when I finish? Then I see a round pink watch just like the gold one. I don’t know where I am. I think I am outside and I see the watches on the ground.

Daynotes: Not sleeping well all night because of Kevin cutting us off. I get up at night and journal, do a meditation and/or read. I wake up in the middle of the night and have mental OCD. I also have many emotions from anger to grief. I am going to go to an Alanon meeting on Sunday night. I need support.