(hard dream to bring back) There are two babies. One is tucked under some place on the floor. The other is not.
A young girl of 10-12 years old puts turquoise color in her hair and changes its style. She is with a group of people. Everyone notices her hair. She likes it very much.
I am walking down these stairs and when I stop these black ants get onto my blue shirt. Paul is behind me on the stairs, holding my shoulders and keeping me still. I push the ants off. I tell Paul to let me go. I get to the bottom of the stairs and find one more ant and push it off.
Feeling: kind of grossed out and uncomfortable
Daynotes: See Tree Man
Definitely the talk with Kevin is bugging me. Paul is my ground when these episodes happen. I am working on going into my unconscious and healing from the triggering affect from Kevin’s phone call.
There is a festival. There are two buses of 2nd graders who arrive. I am with an older woman. We draw a picture of four, young guys who are well known musicians. Five, young guys come to look at it. They seem somber. They then walk away across this park. The last guy turns and the back of him is a small tree with yellow leaves. I get my camera and try to catch up with them. I see the other guys, but can no longer see the tree man. I am disappointed.
Daynotes: Rough Day. Kevin called and said how we/I messed up again. 1. Not giving Markus equal time/attention, 2. Didn’t come to meet Markus until he was 10 months old, 3. Not giving Markus as many presents as Rowan when he was a baby. 4. Not giving Markus an age appropriate gift this time. 5. Not knowing Antonia. 6. Says that he does not havpe good boundaries with us. 7. Lastly, he is stopping story time.
I said it feels like punishment and it doesn’t solve the problem. He is not only hurting us/me, but also the kids. I am sad, grieving, angry, hurt.
