Author: Denise

I’ve had two dreams in the last week that are nearly identical. My spirit, not my body, is lying on a double bed. Chris’ spirit flies around me aggressively and pushes for sexual contact. I let it happen. I don’t feel completely comfortable with his mysterious sexual energy but the most striking thing in the dream is our out-of-body duality.

(Thursday, April 21, 2022) tarot Death

Second dream: I am a few weeks away from graduation and have not submitted any work or taken the required quizzes and tests. The dim science/sociology hallway at old Fridley High School appears in my mind’s eye. I feel the emotional presence of that past environment. The tall, dark-haired, guiding woman from many of my dreams is in my house with me, but we are not in conversation. In this dream, she looks like my mother. Almost as if post-COVID, I realize I can actually attend school in person, but I don’t know which classes I have signed up for, which rooms they are in or at what time they begin. I search for my schedule but can’t find it.

I start to weep and try to call Wayzata High School on my cell phone. The touch function doesn’t work for many minutes as I push and click, push and click. Finally I am able to make a call and reach a counselor. She knows who I am, immediately, before I begin to speak. She mentions my granddaughter’s name, but I don’t remember it when I wake up (not Oona). The woman is powerfully compassionate, angelic. I feel tremendous relief and healing.

Day notes:

I live a block from Washburn High School in Minneapolis. Growing up, I lived a block from Fridley High school. I have contributed for over 10 years to the University of Michigan Health and Retirement Study. An interviewer is coming to see me soon and he lives by Fridley High School.

I recently attended a funeral with my childhood friend Nicky for our friend Tricia’s mother Carmen. Carmen was from Guatelmala and taught Spanish at Robbinsdale Middle School. The funeral was at St. William’s Catholic Church, where the three of us had our confirmation ceremony together, before I actually met them in a journalism class. There were several teachers at the funeral that had taught us in middle school and high school. It was a wonderful experience to see them more than 50 years later.

My memory for words is in serious decline. I had the best vocabulary and language test results in 1973 that my high school had ever seen. My doctor is not worried and thinks it is stress related. The combination of COVID, work anxiety and 30 years of caregiving may be having a toll.

It feels like this dream is anxiety around my upcoming retirement. Will I be ready? Maybe the anxiety is job-related.

First dream: It seems to be about the text message from Susan I received at 11:15 pm. In the dream, I can’t find the text to reply. My device is not a phone: it’s a little square electronic box. A high rise building is where I live, and one of my rooms is connected to a male neighbor’s apartment. My tall, dark-haired female spirit guide is in the dream, assisting me. I wander outdoors in the middle of the dream, to a distant lake and forest.

(Friday, February 18, 2022) tarot: Tower

I am sleeping in my upstairs bedroom, but the dream seems to take place after the house was first built and decades before I moved in. The owner, possibly the woman who helped design 100 Rustic Lodge, stands in the corner near the right foot of the bed. She is attractive, clever, warm, strong and healthy. The attic area is unfinished and cluttered: wood rafters, wood floors, strewn extra furniture, cedar chests and old wardrobes of clothing.

I am aware of my dream within this dream. Lying on my back, my body becomes charged with electricity. In the dream I try to understand the physical experience. It is not painful, but it is overwhelming because it is so mysterious and powerful. The circuitry between every cell is complete.

I decide to wake up. I have a friendly conversation with the beautiful, calm woman. She is hosting a large conference and has invited me to stay in her house for the event. I tell her about the sensation of my body being fully charged. Not just tingling, not just vibrating. She is a good listener, perhaps one of my spirit guides.

A small boy has come with me to the conference. He rested in the attic in a toddler bed when I was lucid dreaming.

I Sing the Body Electric, by Walt Whitman:

I sing the body electric,
The armies of those I love engirth me and I engirth them,
They will not let me off till I go with them, respond to them,
And discorrupt them, and charge them full with the charge of the soul.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45472/i-sing-the-body-electric

Day notes:

One meaning of the Tower tarot card is electricity. Today I got my second electrical bill that had double wattage compared to a year ago. I am trying to figure that out. Using more power.

When I consider my spirit guides, I always think they are in the right corner of the bedroom, near the foot of my bed. I don’t know why.

I am in charge? My body? My soul? My ancestry?
Or I am charged, with what responsibilities?