Corrupt and Deceptive Woman

(Sunday, July 9, 2017) full moon Capricorn conjunction Pluto / tarot Queen of Swords

Chris is in the remote, cruel frame of mind which is an aspect of his PTSD in real life. It shows up less often than it used to. It was the harbinger of an emotional explosion which sometimes required hospitalization. That has not occurred in many years, thankfully.

I am sobbing, in tremendous grief. He is leaving me for a young, impoverished mother with two children, a boy and a girl. In spite of all the heartbreak he has caused me over the last 25 years, I am completely devastated. My heart aches.

This new woman is a thief. She is attracted to the trust fund left for Chris by his mother Kay. I manage the trust. She and Chris have found a shady entrepreneur’s business that they plan to invest in. This feels evil and shocking to me. I am horrified. It will take all of my strength to resist this direction which is bound to leave him penniless.

Day notes:

Is this about my fears about the economy under Trump? I feel completely responsible for Chris’ physical and financial health. But money decisions are very difficult for me. I make many mistakes.

Sequential Dream Within a Dream: Breathing Away Breast Cancer

(Friday, July 7, 2017) full moon Capricorn conjunction Pluto / tarot three of wands

The structure of this dream is very unusual. Hard to explain in a linear fashion.

I awake thinking I have just had a dream about having breast cancer. But as more of the dream floats to the surface, I realize that my dream includes being a member of a large dream circle led by a physician.

The doctor is like Larry Burk, but with dark hair. No glasses. He believes dreams provide critical health information. I do too. I experience a precognitive dream within this dream of being informed that I have breast cancer. It is a powerful, physical dream. Later this message is confirmed and I undergo cancer treatment. The doctor asks me to share the precognitive dream with his circle, which is seated in a large conference room.

I talk for a long time. I describe the dream event and then the “waking dream” of being diagnosed with cancer from a mammogram. I remember the feeling of the cancer within me. But I also state to the group that women with osteoporosis suffer breast cancer less frequently, because we often have early menopause and shortened estrogen cycles in our lives. That’s me.

Therefore, when I awaken, I don’t really know if I have had cancer in my dream, or just a dream about it. Am I dreaming another woman’s dream? Still, the physician values my story and wants me to share it. Some of the men in the group, students of the physician, are not interested. They don’t care about dreams or the health issues of women.

Once awake I ruminate on this confusing, very sensory dream for awhile. Eventually I fall back to sleep. I dream that the breathwork I do heals breast cancer.

Day notes: 

I spent a lot of time at Kelsi’s wedding talking to Nancy about her stage four breast cancer. I also took a taxi back to Heathrow in May with Kathy from Chicago, who has had stage four breast cancer for six years. Of course, I work with Cyndi who has been at stage four for three years. No relative on either side of my family has ever had breast cancer.

Following the dream, I discover that there is confirmation on the web about the healing benefits of oxygen treatments for cancer. Particularly hyperbaric chambers, but other methods as well: http://www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/reverse-cancer-targeted-mitochondrial-restoration

I am having more and more dreams that give me simple health directives, usually about nutrition. The latest one was about broccoli, and a week later my naturopath recommended I take sulforaphane, a key phytochemical in cruciferous vegetables. A week after that, I got an email about a new study published in the Journal of Biological Chemistry on sulforaphane. It is a cancer-preventative and this study confirms that it assists bone remodeling.

Living in the Oligarchy

(Wednesday, July 5, 2017) moon waxing gibbous Sagitarrius / tarot Sun

Fragment: I have moved to a country owned and controlled by oligarchs.

Day notes: Before bed I watched a video of Chris Hedges interviewing Noam Chomsky. A discussion of the dismantling of America, turning from democracy to oligarchy.

Over the weekend my brother-in-law and my niece’s husband (former and current financial advisors) told me they have moved their money out of money markets into CDs. They foresee a market crash and I don’t disagree. Last month Republicans voted to repeal Dodd-Frank. What to do?

The Dreamsters Union