Author: Denise

(Friday, October 21, 2016) moon: third quarter Cancer / tarot: the Dreamer (fool)

This morning I awake from a long, detailed dream with many scenes. I am again at a dream conference. This one seems to be held in our state, in Minnesota. One scene looks out over a wild, wooded lake very similar to the one at the hotel next to the Arboretum that I talked to Bonnie about as a potential site for an IASD conference.

Another scene takes place in a large bathroom shared by men and women (like Rolduc Abbey). I enter to take a shower but am told I must schedule it. Because there are so many guests at the hotel, I can’t just shower whenever I please. In one scene I forget my room key and am late to a presentation. In another I watch my coworker Leah give a demonstration on homemade yogurt recipes for children – no dream content in her talk at all!

The most haunting, resonant scene is with Rob, my former T’ai-Chi teacher. He has talked to me in waking life about studying dreaming at Pacifica. We sit together in stillness. We hold each other by our forearms, gently. I sense his happiness in our warm, physical contact, and I share his affection. Although as a woman, I expect a man to “make the first move.” It has never gone well for me in my life when I have tried to initiate a romantic relationship. I think I am intuiting his love, yet no progress comes from Rob. I start to gradually release my touch, little by little. He does not withdraw, but he does not stop me from abandoning our embrace.

Day notes:

I still receive emails from Rob, I don’t know why he has not removed me from his list. I would ask him to do so but I just can’t bear being in contact with him, in even the most slightly negative manner. When I had my “fight” with him I complained that he supplied no diagram, no video of the T’ai-Chi form movements. I felt that would have helped me tremendously. A few months later, after I left his class, he published a video on YouTube. In the video, he and his mentor Robert perform the Yang long form together.

November 4: I receive a call from Pat this afternoon. He is moving into the house of Robert Larsen, founder of Birthing Life T’ai-Chi, the school I used to attend. Rob Grunewald was my instructor. I never took classes from Robert, because his were held on Saturday, the day I block out for studio time. Bonnie and I went to a dream class at Robert’s house (located between Cedar Lake and Lake of the Isles) a couple of years ago and I found Robert to be a rather intimidating presence. Long story short: Pat gave my name as a reference! A phone conversation with either Robert or Rob is a very upsetting idea to me.

At our retreat at Lake Ossawinnamakee, I did end up using the first floor bathroom to shower because the upstairs bathroom was shared by four people (men and women), and rather busy. Yogurt = yoga? Peter taught yoga and a few folks brought yogurt for breakfast. Cultured milk. Because of Chris’ urgent care visit, I was late to the retreat. I think Lori and Peter used the key to open the cabin on Friday.

November 5: Rob Grunewald calls me about Pat’s rental application. We have a nice, healing conversation. I am very grateful for this. 

November 6: Pat’s application is accepted, and I dream of a distinguished elderly gentleman (like Robert Larsen) showing me and a male friend (must have been Pat!) two bedrooms at the back of his house, which is up for sale. They were once his children’s bedrooms. One has an infant crib alongside a single bed and I am satisfied because I am about to give birth (Birthing Life T’ai-Chi). In real life Robert has two grown daughters.

(Saturday, October 8, 2016) moon: first quarter Capricorn / tarot: six of swords

Another dream about sleeping. I am me, and I am the Observer Me.

My partner/lover is talking to the owner of a moving and storage business. They are standing on the sidewalk at the edge of the warehouse, and I am sleeping out in the open, further down the sidewalk. I rest beneath a fluffy comforter with the old orange and black Allied Van Lines logo printed on it. The “A” is a giant black triangle, shaped like a highway moving toward the horizon.

I am naked beneath the covers, not at all concerned about my vulnerability. I feel safe and deeply happy about the beauty of my soul. I feel the perfect energy, intelligence and creativity of it almost like a beam of light, an aura. It infuses my mood, my mind. Anyone that I come into contact with senses this and responds with unconditional love, as if I am a perfect, angelic star-being.

But danger is on the way. My lover and the owner of the warehouse agree that I need to return home to safety. My lover awakens me and tells me that he is taking me to the airport so we can both board a plane as soon as possible. I smile. I am almost drunk with joy. High. Still fearless.

I tell him that I did not arrive on a plane, but drove my own car. This feels like a loving trick, like a joke. I am so pleased. He will have to ride in my vehicle with me for many hundreds of miles, giving us hours and hours to share stories: mandatory companionship instead of the quickness and mundane environment of a commercial flight. Road trip.

Day notes:

Well, I am not that loved. I made my coworker Christine quite angry on Thursday.

I have been experiencing mild vertigo all week.

Moving company. Moving with company. Allied. 

The Geico Sleeping Beauty ad ran on TV as I headed downstairs to record this dream (Chris is watching college football). The narrator says: “If you want someone to leave you alone, you pretend you’re sleeping. It’s what you do.”

I watched a story on the News Hour last night about Fallujah in Iraq. ISIS has completely destroyed the city. In one scene a small boy wore a t-shirt with an Allstate logo. So often in the news I see donated American clothing worn by struggling people around the world.

(Sunday, October 2, 2016) moon: waxing crescent Libra / tarot: Judgement

I am crossing a narrow pedestrian suspension bridge with Chris. It’s grey and foggy. I see nothing below the bridge, not a canyon nor a river, but I am not looking directly below me. I look across to the end of the bridge. I can feel the energetic nature of the bridge. It vibrates through the structure and through my body, rhythmically. The high loop of the wave feels strong and physical, the low end feels like dissolution into empty space. Quantum. I am equally comfortable with both sensations.

Chris leans heavily against me and I am in danger of falling over the edge, into the abyss. I tell him, sharply, to back off. This surprises him and his feelings are slightly hurt.

I make it to the other side but I don’t know if Chris comes with me. He may be there in spirit.

Cullan appears and I am happy to see him. We are in a wooded area filled with red brick warehouses, none taller than two or three stories. Cullan lives here now, as have I in the past. In one small forest we see a petite, curving country lane painted with fire-engine red and bright white arrows and circles. Earth art? Conceptual art? Medicine wheel?

We are enjoying touring many of the buildings, which are full of fun objects and beautifully designed rooms. Maybe it’s an art crawl like I used to attend in the North Loop, when the WARM gallery and New French Cafe were still there.

I have an appointment with my endocrinologist, and the office is far away, so we need to find the vehicle which I left behind many years ago. I dig through a pocket full of keys and find a set that I think may be the correct ones. Cullan and I look in vain through several structures, when I realize the vehicle is probably stored close to his house. We focus on his neighborhood. It is much too late for me to make my appointment, but I do want my car back.

Day notes:

(Precognition) my daily email from Dr. Mercola is about water tables contaminated with endocrine-disruptive chemicals. Thank you 3M.

I have really been struggling with Chris’ health in the last week. Friday he smiled and said I needed to stay strong and healthy. That just made me feel crushed and unsupported. Grim.

I have many recurring dreams of red brick buildings in the Minneapolis warehouse district and am beginning to think they may be my own personal symbol of the akashic record. Storage buildings.

After this dream I had an episode of sleep paralysis (suffocation). I took an online survey from Ryan Hurd yesterday, as he is planning a webinar on this subject and is asking for input on the content.