Author: Denise

(Friday, August 18, 2017)

I went to see Marlene for a tarot reading. I asked her a lot of work-related questions but I also brought up my recurring dream “Regaining Ownership of my Ancestral Home.”

Immediately she thought of Red Riding Hood. That was an “aha” moment for me. In the dream I travel to my grandmother’s farm along the good red road, and in my first black wolf dream he appears as I am walking near the red road on my grandmother’s land. The same location. I do believe these dreams are connected.

My interpretation of the “Ownership” dream is the opening of my heart chakra and Marlene agreed. She sees that I am at a point in my life where both family and ancestors finally embrace me for who I truly am. Love. Like the love the black wolf Romeo and I share for each other. Personal power. I “met” the black wolf at the Glastonbury Red Tara mandala ceremony. Red Tara is Kali. Marlene and I both honor Kali. She told me about a room at the Louvre she visited that is filled with sculptures of Kali.

For many years I have owned and cherished a book about my favorite artist Kiki Smith’s Red Riding Hood sculptures and drawings. I was fortunate to see her exhibit at the old Walker Art Center. I now feel a need to research this fairy tale’s Jungian aspects. Maybe reread “Women Who Run With The Wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.

Kiki’s drawing “Lying With The Wolf”:

https://www.khanacademy.org/humanities/ap-art-history/global-contemporary/a/kiki-smith-lying-with-the-wolf

The mundane aspect of this dream is important too. I told Marlene I am worried about the economy crashing and that I have been thinking of moving a big chunk of money out of mutual funds. The cards agreed with my concern. I wonder if this recurring dream is directing me to buy some land.

(Friday, August 18, 2017) moon waning crescent Cancer / tarot queen of swords reversed

Last night Lola was lying in bed with me. All four of her paws embraced my left hand. She began to have a powerful dream that caused her paws to rapidly twitch and her voice to chatter. Her eyelids fluttered. Out of the corner of my left eye I saw what appeared to be smoke curl away from her body and disperse into the air. I turned my head to view with both of my eyes. The vapor lasted two or three seconds, then disappeared. Only the second time I have ever seen an aura, if that is what it was.

(Sunday, August 13, 2017) third quarter moon Taurus / tarot maiden of cups – mermaid

Long dream of a dream conference, but only the ending remains.

The conference committee (Richard, Bob and the rest) have decided to create a theatrical dream piece. Regular IASD members, not staff or presenters, are tasked with acting out the play. I am pulled into the project very late. Everyone else is already in costume. In the dream I am aware of my extreme introversion. Maybe even on the Asberger’s spectrum.

My costume is a beautiful, sleeveless, ankle-length dress that is exactly tailored to embrace my lithe, healthy body. The color is deep sage green. It’s the same color I am painting my house in my shelter island dream. In that dream I call the color avocado, but sage is more accurate. Dreaming of a dress of this style is about being a mermaid, I believe. It is fitted all the way to my feet. Like soft skin. Like a fishtail.

I have to put on my costume in front of all the other actors, which terrifies me. Sensing my fear, a gentle, loving feminine spirit guide enters the rough, white muslin dress I am wearing and magically clothes me in the sage green mermaid dress. I am grateful not to have to be naked, exposed, in front of the extroverted theatrical types. Yet, I am in full, sensual appreciation of my elegant, perfect body, which is why I have been chosen for my part. I take off my muslin dress and lie in my mermaid dress on the stage floor with the full cast of the play.

We enact a scene of the play lying on the wooden floor. Almost like doing yoga together. The second act turns violent: the committee members pierce us with small, golden nails and begin an attempt to hammer them into our flesh more deeply. I seem to be the first to realize what is happening. The first to be aware of the attack.

Day notes:

The first mermaid dream I remember happened before the 2013 Virginia Beach conference. Yesterday was the deadly clash with the KKK and neo-Nazis in Charlottesville, Virginia. Demonstrations of this sort have a strong theatrical component. One night at the Virginia Beach hotel I was kept awake by a crowd of people in the hall that seemed to be speaking an African language. I wondered if it was an echo from the times the city was a capital for the slave trade. No one else heard what I heard. Like the ghosts at Rolduc Abbey.

I had dinner with Amy on Wednesday. We have known each other for 30 years. She made a comment that suggests she finds me somewhere on the Asberger’s spectrum. Is introvert different than Asberger’s? I don’t perceive myself as carrying any of those symptoms other than shyness and a sometimes hidden cleverness with geometry. But she works in special ed, so I give her benefit of the doubt. It doesn’t matter, really.

I reported a second predator incident to HR this week.

Three women in New York were murdered last night by a male family member who attacked them with a hammer.