Author: Denise

(Monday, June 27, 2016)

This dream is from Sunday morning, but I was too busy all day cleaning my studio to have time to record it.

Part 1:

The dream begins at my house, which is very large and feels more like a hotel. Dozens, maybe hundreds of people are inside. Probably I am dreaming of the Rolduc conference. There is a young woman in one of the back rooms that I am connected to. She looks like my old coworker Maggie (from the English, meaning pearl) Reinhardt (from the German, rein meaning counsel, hardt meaning brave, strong).

Part 2:

I am flying far and wide, in search of Maggie Reinhardt. We are to meet at the edge of a whitewater sea. I cover many miles, many countries, with my arms outstretched like an airplane.

Part 3:

I spy Maggie below me, so I land on a grey wooden dock. Our goal is to dive into the water, retrieve a form of magical sustenance from deep below the surface and bring it back to the conference. Oysters? Pearls? The bed where the seafood rests is far from the dock. We will need to swim a long distance.

Maggie jumps in with no hesitation. The water is foamy white and roiling. I am afraid. It is winter, I expect the water to be bitter cold. But I leap into the 6-foot waves and am surprised to discover that the temperature of the fluid is the same as that of my body. Even though ice is visible along the edges of the channel where we swim.

When I become immersed, I realize that the liquid is not water. It is bubbly and thicker than water.

Maggie and I reach the bay where we will dive for the treasure. Again I am fearful. We must dive all the way to the bottom of the sea, and I don’t know if my lungs will be able to carry that much oxygen. Maggie dives first, and I follow.

Day notes:

I just completed a chapter in Barbara Tedlock’s book about hallucinogenic plants and mushrooms. She describes a side-effect of peyote: white, soapy foam sometimes oozes from the mouth.

Muskrat was the dream I shared at Rolduc in 2011. Muskrat is the hero of Dakota and Ojibwe creation stories. After the great flood, muskrat dives to the bottom of the sea and retrieves a paw full of clay earth, which becomes Turtle Island.

Bonnie sent an email yesterday from Rolduc. This morning I recalled the restaurant in Kerkrade that we ate at together. The waitress asked if we wanted “still” water or “fizzy” water.

I am still reading “The Woman in the Shaman’s Body.” On page 175 there is an image of Xochiquetzal, the Aztec goddess of love (Venus) and the moon (Artemis). I cannot find this image reproduced anywhere on the internet. It is a drawing of the goddess squatting, with her legs wide open. Her hands rest on her thighs, near her open vulva. A single flower emerges from between her legs on a long stem that looks like an umbilical cord. Years ago I made a large mixed media painting that I traded for an astrology reading, which I still have and value. But I wish I had the painting too!

On a square canvas, I had traced my open thighs and painted them indigo blue. I affixed white-tinted maple leaves to the blue legs. I traced my arms; my hands rested on my inner thighs. From my vagina ran a twisted blue and red umbilical cord that bloomed into a sun-yellow wreath with a crimson core. Sunflower. The wreath was made of painted Chinese elm leaves. The painting was about giving birth to my son/sun.

Comments from the astrologer:

Venus: “Venus is the most important planet in your chart for two reasons. First, it is conjunct your Sun, and second, it is the final dispositor of all of the other planetary energies in your chart. You are less the bull than most Tauruses. You can be had with a dozen roses …”

Saturn trine Uranus trine Moon trine Saturn: “You are one of the lucky persons in the world to have the energies of Saturn and Uranus so well integrated and harmonized. You have genius. Your particular genius is that you can give concrete structure, form and interpersonal meaning to what is unthinkable, unsaid or unseen. You are able to bounce your unique insights off of your Saturnine high-minded, philosophical principled ordering of your universe, giving birth in the process to concepts, images, and metaphors which are clear and startlingly unique. Not only that, but you are one of the relatively few who can rebel against the established order, and in the process, actually build a more enduring and relevant order. Most rebels just hope for the best. This has major implications for your artistic career … The moon is our emotional reaction to our experiences as those experiences relate to our emotional memories of our sum total of past lives. This can only mean that your artistic creativity and genius somehow also give expression to what your past life experiences were.”

“… The simple expression of beauty (embodied by Venus) which could be relatively simple for you to do, must sometimes be sacrificed to a higher goal of expressing what is true and inspirational.”

I continue to ruminate over the sculpture of Edie that I plan to start once I get my studio back in shape this week. Edie is definitely my shaman side, and very possibly a past life memory. I hope I can embody her wisdom and her energy in an accurate, powerful way. I’m excited, and a little fearful. I started working in clay in 2006 but it is a very difficult process for me. In contrast, mixed media was almost effortless. Still, I think I can get to a point where clay is my best form of expression. The ancient history of the art form is awe-inspiring. Having my hands deep in clay makes me feel connected to our Mother Earth and our human ancestors. Pachamama!

(Saturday, June 25, 2016) moon: waning gibbous Pisces / tarot: Lovers

First day of my staycation. Chris and I sat in the backyard together early this morning, watching the birds and the bunnies. It was sweet.

When we came back into the house, he delved into his iPad, as normally he does. “Niburu is on its way,” he announced.

I laughed. “It’s been on its way for years now!”

The light-hearted conversation shifted to UFOs and aliens. I talked to him about my Arkansas trip, how we had seen dozens of UFOs after our meditation together on the night of the lunar eclipse. I also described the large black star-filled hole that Robbie and I had both seen. That eclipse was aligned with the galactic center. I was completely shocked when Chris told me we had seen an inter-dimensional portal. In all of our time together, he has been a complete skeptic of UFOs, aliens and anything fringe.

So his change of attitude inspired a bit of bravery. I retold him my old story about the blue aliens, of waking with a bruised arm after they injected a needle to detoxify my body. I had shared the story before, but felt like he never listened. This time he said, “That really did happen. You were visited.”

This is a welcome shift in our relationship. Foretold by the Lovers card I drew this morning, perhaps.

I met two people at Rolduc in 2011 who dream of the blue aliens. The man’s name is Tony (a friend of Jean Campbell), and he is from Britain. I don’t recall the woman’s name. She is from the States.