Fragment: Blissed Out

(Friday, June 20, 2014)  A dream floats back to me while I rest quietly in bed this morning. It is a fragment, and it is all things.

In the middle of the blackness of the night, in the dreamtime, I have an experience of complete bliss. “I” am cradled in the center of a loving field of white light which dissolves me completely into its essence, its intelligence.

As my waking self retrieves the memory, I feel the skin over my heart and my fingertips tingle gently.

Day notes:

The morning Bonnie and I awoke at the bed & breakfast in Stinson Beach I had dream paralysis, common enough for me. The lucid dream of the paralysis contained both a huge explosion of white light and an image of Bonnie being attacked.

Cullan accepted the web developer job offer at Sleep Number today. He starts June 30. It sounds like a great company that will reward and care for him. As a mother I am overjoyed, relieved, grateful. Ecstatic!

Summer solstice entry from ‘365 Tao’ by Deng Ming-Dao: “When the true light appears, the entire planet turns to face it. The summer solstice is the time of greatest light. It is a day of enormous power. The whole planet is turned fully to the brilliance of the sun.”

Ceiling Menagerie

Earthenware clown whistle
Earthenware clown whistle

(Friday, June 13, 2014)  Full moon last night. I dream of a basement filled with dozens of colorful sculptures that Cullan has created. They are absolutely delightful. They suspend from wooden rafters on strings and are the size of pinatas. But they are made from clay, not paper, and resemble the playful earthenware Mexican whistles I buy from Zinnia Folk Art in Minneapolis.

The sculptures are a kind of bank account. They grow in value over time. Chris has carefully vacuumed the wooden floor and wooden rafters of the room. It’s important to protect this artwork and to keep it meticulously clean to preserve its value. I consider wrapping each sculpture in a silk shroud but am satisfied, for now, that they are being properly cared for.

Day notes:

Bonnie and I met a man named Robert on the plane back from Berkeley. He is a self-taught computer wizard who has worked for NASA and Twitter. No degree. His obvious brilliance and financial success must have calmed my fears about Cullan, who also has no degree but is quite a clever young man in his own right.

Janet Scott

(Wednesday, May 21, 2014)  Yesterday morning I dream my mother is driving me to Fridley high school for my reunion. She drives halfway to my destination, dropping me off in the middle of the street, turning back to spend the rest of the afternoon at home, doing nothing.

I walk to the back parking lot. Reception tables are set up outside and long lines of people wait to register for the event. I get in queue behind a woman that I recognize as Janet Scott from my 1975 graduating class. I don’t think she will remember me but she looks directly into my eyes, initiating a lively conversation, as if we parted just yesterday.

Her hair is still bright red and she retains her vibrant, almost masculine energy. Even though her father was a music professor at the U of M, Janet was always a little rough around the edges, completely uninhibited. Her friend Michael (a woman who ended up practicing interior design in Paris) stands at her shoulder. Is she the Archangel? Janet wears two small campaign-style buttons on her sweater, one red and one purple. (I think: root chakra red, crown chakra violet.) She’s holding several text books, casually, in her hands. I had assumed the reunion to be a social occasion but Janet informs me that it is educational. As usual, I am unprepared. She sends me to the central atrium to fetch my books.

In the building center, at the core, I find the most amazing, larger-than-life character. Literally. He seems to be at least seven feet tall and weighs hundreds of pounds. In spite of his size, he is light on his feet. He’s monitoring a busy study hall full of students, bouncing across the room and roaring like a crazed Shakespearean actor. He is a true mythical spirit, many eons old. I think he is Bacchus / Dionysus.

He chooses two young male “delinquents” to accompany me to the book depository. I have forgotten my way around the school but the teenagers know how to find the North corridor, which is where the books are stored. They retrieve my books and also place a gift in my palm: three tight, curly buttons of pot, or perhaps peyote. The size and shape of them remind me of the red and purple buttons worn by Janet Scott.

Day notes:

Janet Scott: a woman with two first names, one female, one male. Mirrors the image of the woman with a male name of Michael. Peter’s quaternity.

Gifts of hallucinogenic herb or cactus: shamanic power, entrance to the mystical realms. Bacchanal. The name “Denise” is French, but the roots are from the Greek “Dionysus.”

North node in astrology is one’s karmic destination; mine is at 20 degrees Scorpio in the fifth house, The House of Pleasure (procreation, children, creation of art and culture).

Many dream characters, of late, gaze intently into my eyes.

The Dreamsters Union