Author: Denise

(Sunday, February 12, 2023) third quarter moon Scorpio / tarot Death

I am dreaming within my dream. It is about an archetypal romantic relationship with Chris, beautiful and fulfilling. Soulmates. Lucid and powerful. We float together in a heavenly white void, spinning and flying with joy.

When I awake within the dream, on my bed, kitty Snowball is lying by my left arm. There are three of him. The second white cat is at the end of the bed and the third one is on my right side. A physical cat triangle, but a single entity.

I want to head downstairs to tell Chris about the soulmate dream. I turn left to my nightstand and see that an old-fashioned clock-radio has been messed with. It’s nonfunctional, broken. In this part of the dream my relationship with Chris feels the way it often is in real life. Disconnected. Convenient for him and stressful work for me.

Fragment: I enter a bathroom used by my family. A male guide is there. I need to clean the bathtub filled with urine, and also the floor, the sink and the toilet. The guide cautions me about the dangerous virus in the urine and tells me to make sure I wear rubber gloves. It makes me think about the H5N1 virus which is on the rise globally. COVID has a death rate of less that 2%, H5N1 has a death rate of 52%.

Fragment: I am standing in the sweetgrass prairie I have visited in other dreams. A highly spiritual place. I feel loved, surrounded by gentle magic. I think of Bonnie.

(Thursday, Ground Hog’s Day, 2023) waxing gibbous moon Cancer / tarot page of swords

I am in a large community building. The environment is completely white: painted wooden floors, walls and doors. Because the doors are full of layers and layers of paint, and carved in a traditional fashion, I know this place is very old. Multiple generations have passed.

But I am not old. I am in the strength of my youth, perhaps late twenties or early thirties. I have lovely, long Irish hair. It is evening and I want some privacy, although another young woman keeps searching for me. I slip away from her, through white door after white door, closets and rooms. I can sense the ancient trees in each door. They have energy. They feel like wings in motion.

Finally I find a large, open room where I can close the door and not be disturbed. A famous, handsome man in his thirties or early forties joins me to make spectacular love. I think the young woman was trying to stop this from happening, as all of the community women are smitten by the beautiful man.

After our tryst I see a headline on a piece of white paper, floating above me on my right. It says the hero’s penis is 15 inches long! That was a stunning little detail to me, even in the dream. The number 20 is also mentioned.

Day notes:

Today is Imbolc (evening of February 1 to evening of February 2), in Ireland the beginning of spring and the celebration of St. Brigid’s Day. “Lambs drinking milk.” My great-grandmother was named Bridget Doyle.

The Herder Symbol Dictionary defines door as a gate or portal, “similar to bridge.” Bridget! A symbol of transition from one realm to a new one. I met with my 85-year-old tarot reader Marlene yesterday and she said that is what this year is for me. “I break new ground and begin new ventures.” My numerology for 2023 is the number 1.

Phallus: a universal sign of fertility. White: the color of light, purity, perfection.

Number 15 represents growth and expansion. Indicative of the qualities of creativity and intelligence. Fame (Sun and Mercury).

Marlene also wrote this about personal year 1: “At times you may feel alone and deserted, for this rhythm demands that you stand alone and be responsible for yourself. Others may try to dissuade you or divert you from your positive course. You may meet one special new person, who may be extremely important to you in the future. Chances are it will be a man, since 1 represents the male element.“

My late twenties and mid-thirties were a time in my life where my concentration was art. And I was able to eke out as a freelance designer (using the word “eke” because I was a single mother).

I wonder if the wooden doors are a clue. Are they pages for books? Sometimes I make books out of my paper clay.

This is a Big Dream. So much more is coming up for me.

(Friday, February 3) I was organizing a drawer and found a printed version of this 2020 dream, “Working From Home, Fifteen Hundred.” It has some precognitive elements about what has happened to me in 2023: “My company has been laying off long-term employees and replacing them with less expensive, less experienced new employees. I could be forced to retire early. That has happened too. I’ve been at Ergotron for 15 years.“

(Friday, February 3) Today I received an email about Imbolc from Caroline W. Casey, Chief Trickster Witch at Coyote Network News: “15 degrees of the Fixed Signs are called the four gates of power, corresponding to the four cross-quarter Holy Days: Imbolc, Beltane, Lughnasa, and Samhain.”

(Saturday, February 4) Today I got my favorite email from Sharon Blackie and she has two paragraphs about Imbolc.

(Tuesday, January 24, 2023) waxing crescent moon Pisces / tarot 8 of swords

I arrive at a new community home: a giant hotel, condominium or apartment building. I enter my bedroom. I sleep for a while and when I wake up, I realize I must sort out my clothing in order to mingle with new people. It feels like I don’t have enough to wear. I am visited by my cousin Julie and others, who are unconcerned about my depleted wardrobe. Family. They send love.

A blonde woman in a leadership role arrives from down the hall. She shows me some swank work-clothing options she can generously provide. She is impressively professional, at the top of her game. My distraction at being in a new place, along with my comfort with unplanned clothing, makes the Sharp Woman head back to her important office to converse with a group of women much more assertive and career-focused than I am.

I look through my pile of clothing and find my favorite blue jeans, a surprise. As I continue to search, I find more things than I thought I had. Items gradually continue to appear. Even so, I realize the Sharp Woman could be a helpful relationship, so I walk to her office. I see that my relaxed ambivalence has made her impatient. But it is her role to help, in spite of her judgement. I am still uncertain that this is the path for me, yet my mind is open.

Day notes:

Yesterday, late in the day, my friend Mary sent me an email. Mary worked with me at Ergotron as a contractor for 2 years. I was able to get her hired full-time in 2022. We have know each other for 35 years. Her email had personal contact information for a female rep at Creatis. Creatis hires designers as contractors. I filled out an online application at Creatis today. My conscious mind doesn’t know if I am retired or if I am looking for work.

The Sharp Woman looks like the Ergotron Director of Marketing, who lead the virtual meeting where I lost my job. She is kind, but in meetings she would go on and on and on, using bizspeak vocabulary that didn’t register with me.

I had joined the “Women in the Workforce” group at Ergotron. First meeting, I criticized the word workforce. Discussions were consistently about career, and I stopped attending.

Auntyflo.com says that if you are dressed inappropriately, it is time to stop worrying about emotions. Break the rules.