Category: Denise

(Saturday, July 15, 2017) moon third quarter Aries / tarot three of cups

I arrive at the dream conference. It seems to be in Arizona because in one scene I am heading back to my room to change into lighter clothing. I feel the heat. I am perspiring slightly, which I enjoy. I love the heat.

I have brought a large roll of heavy watercolor paper with me. I have been working on a mural and intend to complete it at the conference.

I enter a session led by Richard W. The session is not being held in a hotel conference room: it’s in a university lecture hall containing several rows filled with desks. Richard begins speaking at the lowest room level, in front of a white board, then turns to me with the expectation that I complete the presentation.

I have a section of paper in my hand from my mural rough draft. I wish the art was ready, but it is not, so I punt. I make an off-the-cuff talk about the image and the research behind it. The research is about the brain and seizure disorder.

Richard moves up a level. Again I assume that he is the lecturer, the professor, but he turns to me, a little sternly. So I hold up another drawing and talk. I think there are students, participants, in the room but they are not visible to me. The desks seem empty.

This process continues through each level till Richard and I reach the top. The back of the lecture hall. I give my final presentation, again in a very light-hearted manner. I have expertise but because I did not expect to present, I do not have any research data in front of me to work from. All I have are my sketchy cartoons. Am I a disappointment to Richard? To the conference audience? To myself?

I leave the lecture hall and enter another next door. Jantje Visscher, an artist from W.A.R.M., is presenting with her beautiful, controlled geometric drawings. Matrices. The drawings are on the same thick watercolor paper as mine, but they are on tall vertical sections that are connected by seams of tape. They can be folded like the panel dividers between conference rooms. I am impressed by her preparation and logic.

Day notes:

This seems related to the way I presented my dream on Monday night (the Berry method “Drawn Into The Dream”).

I am creating a new batch of paper clay, which involves adding pulp from thick watercolor paper.

When I awake I wonder if Richard has ever presented at a conference. If not, why not.

Our illustrator in Portland has left the company so I will need to do more drawing at work. I am happy about that.

When I awake I also think some of this dream expresses regret about areas of my life left unexplored. I thought about going into child psychology when I was at the U of M. My art degree is uncompleted. I feel that my dream life is rich enough for me to be an able member of the IASD. But my professional life offers nothing to the organization.

The weather today is like Arizona. Bliss for me.

(Sunday, July 9, 2017) full moon Capricorn conjunction Pluto / tarot Queen of Swords

Chris is in the remote, cruel frame of mind which is an aspect of his PTSD in real life. It shows up less often than it used to. It was the harbinger of an emotional explosion which sometimes required hospitalization. That has not occurred in many years, thankfully.

I am sobbing, in tremendous grief. He is leaving me for a young, impoverished mother with two children, a boy and a girl. In spite of all the heartbreak he has caused me over the last 25 years, I am completely devastated. My heart aches.

This new woman is a thief. She is attracted to the trust fund left for Chris by his mother Kay. I manage the trust. She and Chris have found a shady entrepreneur’s business that they plan to invest in. This feels evil and shocking to me. I am horrified. It will take all of my strength to resist this direction which is bound to leave him penniless.

Day notes:

Is this about my fears about the economy under Trump? I feel completely responsible for Chris’ physical and financial health. But money decisions are very difficult for me. I make many mistakes.

(Friday, July 7, 2017) full moon Capricorn conjunction Pluto / tarot three of wands

The structure of this dream is very unusual. Hard to explain in a linear fashion.

I awake thinking I have just had a dream about having breast cancer. But as more of the dream floats to the surface, I realize that my dream includes being a member of a large dream circle led by a physician.

The doctor is like Larry Burk, but with dark hair. No glasses. He believes dreams provide critical health information. I do too. I experience a precognitive dream within this dream of being informed that I have breast cancer. It is a powerful, physical dream. Later this message is confirmed and I undergo cancer treatment. The doctor asks me to share the precognitive dream with his circle, which is seated in a large conference room.

I talk for a long time. I describe the dream event and then the “waking dream” of being diagnosed with cancer from a mammogram. I remember the feeling of the cancer within me. But I also state to the group that women with osteoporosis suffer breast cancer less frequently, because we often have early menopause and shortened estrogen cycles in our lives. That’s me.

Therefore, when I awaken, I don’t really know if I have had cancer in my dream, or just a dream about it. Am I dreaming another woman’s dream? Still, the physician values my story and wants me to share it. Some of the men in the group, students of the physician, are not interested. They don’t care about dreams or the health issues of women.

Once awake I ruminate on this confusing, very sensory dream for awhile. Eventually I fall back to sleep. I dream that the breathwork I do heals breast cancer.

Day notes: 

I spent a lot of time at Kelsi’s wedding talking to Nancy about her stage four breast cancer. I also took a taxi back to Heathrow in May with Kathy from Chicago, who has had stage four breast cancer for six years. Of course, I work with Cyndi who has been at stage four for three years. No relative on either side of my family has ever had breast cancer.

Following the dream, I discover that there is confirmation on the web about the healing benefits of oxygen treatments for cancer. Particularly hyperbaric chambers, but other methods as well: http://www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/reverse-cancer-targeted-mitochondrial-restoration

I am having more and more dreams that give me simple health directives, usually about nutrition. The latest one was about broccoli, and a week later my naturopath recommended I take sulforaphane, a key phytochemical in cruciferous vegetables. A week after that, I got an email about a new study published in the Journal of Biological Chemistry on sulforaphane. It is a cancer-preventative and this study confirms that it assists bone remodeling.