Category: Denise

(Thursday, June 6, 2024) new moon Gemini / tarot Star

Chris and I are standing in our living room. The space is long and narrow. It feels horizontal, dim. I notice that we have forgotten to lock the front door. It opens. A very tall, dark-haired man enters with his smaller female companion. They appear to be early middle-age, attractive and fit. But they say nothing. They each hold one large, wrapped gift box, which feels to me like the potential offering of scam, theft.

Because they do not speak, I panic. Chris and I are able to pull down a large, curved clay door and trap them inside, next to the wall. The stonework’s function is similar to a garage door but it feels ancient, like the rough seal of a cave. I worry these strangers may escape, so we head to our next-door neighbors’ house in order to safely contact the police.

We knock and our neighbor Mike opens his front door. Inside is brightly lit. The living room is enormous, like a conference or party room, full of dozens of students. Celebratory and cheerful. We are welcomed inside. We wander through their house, phone the first responders, then return to our home.

I check the old clay door again. I worry that the edges had been broken off years ago but I see that I have repaired them. There is no way the strangers can escape.

Still waiting for the police, I walk outside to our backyard. I notice the neighbors have turned their yard into a farm field. The crops are just starting to pop up. The fertile black earth is flat, ready to feed a new harvest.

Day notes:

Cullan and Hillary are spending the weekend planning Wyn’s fifth birthday party. Our neighbors are planning for their daughter’s graduation party.

I so often dream of tall, thin men. This one is about seven feet tall. I listened to a podcast interviewing Whitley Strieber. He believes that our suicidal climate change will bring those he calls “visitors” to the forefront of our reality. Soon.

I spent three hours yesterday (as did Cullan, Hillary and my sister Jo) attempting to apply for the Minnesota e-bike rebate. The site kept crashing. At one point I was able to finish the form, which included my social security number, and then it crashed again. Not good.

Dream group, my take on this dream:

“My Living Room is at dusk. True enough at this stage of life. My Guide, who so often enters my dreams (and holds my back), walks in the open door without my permission, as I often feel in my dreams. But he brings a gift. Every dream is a gift. A Visitor stands beside him. Perhaps she is an element of my own being. This time the Guide brings overwhelming information, and my fear of the truthful story makes me want to hide the messengers. I want protection to come from other strong human beings, but that cave door I made myself must open again. The Guides are not imprisoned. Humans imprison themselves. Connection to the earth needs to be deeper. New growth must come from the fertile planet. A new harvest, a new phase of existence is cropping up.“

Bonnie reminded me that I kept saying “first responders.” Pat used the word “earthenware” to describe clay. I like both of those.

(Saturday, June 1, 2024) waning crescent moon Aries / tarot Magician

I woke up this morning at about 3:00am with horrible sleep paralysis. It would take several minutes to move parts of my body and pull out of it, but then I would fall directly back into the freeze. The whole experience lasted about an hour-and-a-half. Thankfully it included no nightmares, no visions of ghosts, monsters or aliens. It made me very tired for most of the day.

Our feline likes to wake me up at 4:00am. I clean his box, feed him and let him outside. Sometimes I go back to bed, sometimes I stay awake. This morning I stayed up and made my cup of chai. At 5:30 I heard Chris go into the bathroom, which is not an unusual time for him. What was odd was that I kept hearing him push the door, push the door, push the door. After about five minutes, I walked into the hallway and asked, “What are you doing?”

“I am trying to shut the door,” he said, although when I looked into his eyes he appeared unresponsive, un-alert. I tried to shut the door, and noticed that the lock was turned. “The lock is on,” I said, “that is why the door won’t close.” He didn’t seem to pay attention.

Instead of going back to bed, he headed into the kitchen to make his chai. That was a shock for me, as he never gets up before seven in the morning. There have been days he has slept until after nine. As his tea was cooking in the microwave, he grabbed his quiche out of the fridge to get that ready to eat. When his tea was done, I put it in the living room, next to his chair. He took a couple bites of the quiche and spent five minutes cleaning the sink. And he started to make another cup of chai! I said, “You already have your first cup of tea.”

He ate a little more quiche, then began working on the door of the garbage bin, trying to get it to “be quiet.” He kept opening and closing it, just like he did with the bathroom door. “It has always made noise, you can’t stop it,” I said.

Finally he finished his quiche and spent another five minutes cleaning the sink. That chore usually takes less than a minute. Everything this early morning was strangely repetitive. At first I wondered if this was just a reaction to his smaller amount of sleep. Next, I considered he may have had a silent stroke in the middle of the night. My last conjecture is sepsis. He has recurring urinary tract infections and they have caused sepsis, which create hallucinations.

Right now he appears back to normal, but he was a bit wacky yesterday morning too. He started walking up the stairs, looking for me at 8:00am. He thought it was 10:00am. Today it felt like he was in another world. Awake, but unconscious. That is what caused my fear.

Monday, May 27 (Memorial Day): This morning Chris slept until 9:00am. He seems completely back to normal. Cheerful. A mystery.

Tuesday, May 28: Yesterday Cullan felt strongly that we should go to HCMC and get some exams. We spent 6 hours at the ER. Chris had a CT scan, an X-ray, plus blood and urinary tract testing. Nothing was detected. No stroke, no infections. We are both still exhausted after that stressful experience. Events at the downtown Level 1 hospital are always wild. I do appreciate sharing space with people from very different cultural backgrounds. And the caregivers are phenomenal: every assistant, doctor and nurse was a woman.