Category: Denise

(Wednesday, April 17, 2024)

Yesterday I had a bit of a nightmare that I did not write down right away. I was at my family house in the woods, similar to the cabin we had in my childhood, but the landscape looked more like bluff country. My father was maybe in his thirties or forties, still very physically fit. He was intensely angry and aggressive, manic, running with the intention/in-tension to harm anyone that he could capture.

I was able to be strategic. I hid myself under bushes and trees, then rolled myself down the gully to the riverbed, safe from harm.

Daynotes:

My father has dementia now, as did his father.

April 26: This morning I woke up with a new perspective on this dream. Astrologer Deborah O’Connor spent a lot of time expressing her point of view on Chiron in Aquarius in my eight house. She said I have had many lifetimes as a wounded healer, often imprisoned and even murdered. I think of all of the witch dreams I have had, my Joan of Arc dream. I know female herbalists during medieval and renaissance times were often killed or sent to an insane asylum. My dream of being attacked by my “father” (patriarchal society) reaffirms that I need to trust my own process with my health.

(Wednesday, April 17, 2024)

Jodell sent me a text yesterday after my intelligence test at Minneapolis Neurology Clinic: “How did your appointment go yesterday?”

My reply: “Thanks for remembering and asking. It was sad. One part of the testing went very bad. The doctor said I have the beginning of mild cognitive decline. Semantic PPA. She thinks I’ll need to go to the Mayo for therapy (she did her internship there). I meet with my neurologist next Tuesday. She will have the final diagnosis. No cure.”

Jo: “Oh Denise! So glad you went in and had this checked out. Keep pursuing your options … things are always changing in the medical community.”

Me: “Thanks, Jo. I agree with you. I am reading a few books. I wonder if I even tell Mom and Dad. By the time this gets severe they will have passed away.”

Jo: “I am so glad you moved close to Cullan and Hillary for multiple reasons and even more so now. I won’t say anything to Mom and Dad, it is your call. You will know more next week, I am sure you are anxious to have all the facts. You are the last one I thought would be affected in our family, your intelligence is amazing. Love you.”

Day notes:

Jo has been in my dreams a lot this past year. I told Cullan and Hillary about my medical issues on Tuesday.

(Sunday, April 14, 2024, Bonnie’s birthday) first quarter moon Cancer / tarot five of pentacles “out in the cold”

There are four scenes in this dream and the order may not be 100% correct.

I am standing in line with a few dozen people, my sister Jo included. She is ahead of me by three or four. We are waiting for labs and doctor visits. Someone asks me, I think a friend (not Jo), “Do you have cancer?” I say, “I have a 70% chance of cancer.”

In another scene Jo and I agree to travel to a restaurant named after a chef, maybe “Dave’s” or “Mark’s” or another common male name. She leads and we end up at a restaurant that is at the opposite side of town I expected. The chef must have businesses on each end of the village. We sit down and have a nice meal together.

In a third scene, kitty Snowball wants to leave the house and head outside. I am too worried about my absence so I have to seal up a small gap in the basement wall that he is trying to squeeze through. I use some clear plastic and some stones. He does escape before I finish. I grab him by the belly and put him back inside.

Certainly this is the final scene: I am instructed by lab or healthcare workers to lie on my stomach and focus on deep breathing. Over time, I need to position myself in four spots on the ground, all right next to each other. It’s like there is a cross between them. Two spots are at the top, right and left. Two spots are beneath, right and left.

Day notes:

This is clearly a dream about my health, my upcoming diagnosis. I don’t have much clarity about this dream yet. I know that Cullan and Hillary have started shopping for a new house and that gives me anxiety. Should I tell them now, prior to my diagnosis? Or wait? It could potentially be hardship for me if they move back out to Deephaven or Minnetonka. I worry I won’t be able to care for Chris or myself at some point in the future.

Deep breathing reminds me of my below-normal C02 lab result.

A good meal might symbolize the B12, E and thyroid meds that have been added to my diet by the neurology clinic. Two books on dementia I got from the library have a lot of information about a cognition-helpful diet.

Two hard-working men just finished removing all of the old popcorn from our ceilings. The house was full of clear plastic for days. Obviously, Snowball was very stressed out and he hid most of the time.

I spent Friday with my parents and my brother. It was really great to see him and to have a long chat. I was sad to see he is still smoking, because smoking can be one of the main causes of his particular cancer. But I do understand his level of stress.