Journal: Clairvoyance

(Tuesday, March 25, 2025) waning crescent moon Aquarius / tarot Death

Yesterday I played a Pokéman game with my grandkids while Cullan walked to pick up their dinner from the local Chinese restaurant Xin Wong. We used a “magic” marker that reveals images that are invisible on a page until they are brushed with the felt-tipped pen. The goal of the game was to rub little squares and find as many heart and flame symbols as possible. If the symbol was missed, the number zero or the number one showed up instead. Wyn found fifteen hearts and flames. Oona only found one. She was good at the numbers but Wyn seemed very clairvoyant to me. He could figure out where the hearts and flames were nearly every time. Wyn’s favorite color is green, the hue of the heart chakra. He is usually dressed in different shades of green. Wyn is highly emotional (his sun sign is Cancer).

Last Tuesday I met with Deb O., my astrologer. Again she mentioned Chiron (the wounded healer) in my eighth house. She said I have been clairvoyant in many lifetimes. I don’t feel I am in this incarnation, except in my dreams, which can go forward and backward. My different interpretation (and I am no astrologer) comes up for me from Villoldo’s book. He mentions family pain, ancestry, can literally affect our minds for multiple generations (based on several studies, one on the Holocaust).

Spacious Shared Sleep

(Sunday, March 23, 2025) third quarter moon Capricorn / tarot High Priestess

Chris seemed to be having restless leg early this morning so he woke me up at 3:30 am (turn, turn, turn). I fell back to sleep around 6 for this short dream:

I am upstairs in my former simple bedroom (where the grandkids sleep now). Like other dreams, the atmosphere feels haunted. My anxiety causes me to head down the stairs, to a huge bedroom where Chris sleeps. The room is nearly the size of a house, full of all kinds of antique shelving and pretty wooden furniture. I ask Chris if there is a dresser I can use, and of course there is, because there are many. The bed is spacious with a decorative comforter. There are more details of my exploration of the room, but my main memory is the transition from the attic to the main floor, and sleeping with Chris. Which is my life at the moment, because of Cullan’s divorce.

Day notes:

Often unmanageable pressure between Cullan’s unhappy life and working with the Mayo. My memory feels much worse, but maybe from all the stress. I feel no results from the phase 1 drug study. I am almost done reading Dr. Alberto Villoldo’s new book “Grow A New Brain, How Spirit And Power Plants Can Protect And Upgrade Your Brain.” The best book I have read so far about dementia. He has a few pages about a doctor at the Mayo (James Kirkland) whose research has strongly influenced him. He also mentions that Dr. Stanley Krippner (whom I met at the IASD conferences) was one of his professors many years ago.

Mystic Lake

(Thursday, March 6, 2025) first quarter moon Gemini

This dream takes place along a huge body of water that reminds me of Mille Lacs: “grand lac du pays des mille lacs” which means “great lake of the region of the thousand lakes.” Dakota people call it Mde Wakan, “Mystic Lake” or “Spirit Lake.” Our family cabin was on Mille Lacs and the lake was large enough that the view across it was open, with no visible shoreline. Like an endless ocean. This dream lake feels the same. The water is completely still and grey. No reeds or fish are visible. Nothing living below the surface of the water. The sky is foggy-grey and I cannot see the sun.

The shoreline from which I view the lake is covered with green forests. No mountains or bluffs. Gentle hills. A very large community lives here, and I am a member. People are doing work together, especially children. A small group of kids explore costumes and plays.

I have a periodic task that takes me out onto the water, in a simple boat. I come and go. I see no motor or steering device but I can still control it, move it forward. Most of the time two male captains (early-middle-age) sit at the front, the helm, and I rely on them to guide my journey. They are both tall, strong. One always wears a black felt cap, open in the middle, shaped like a crown.

I know it is my goal to progress out of the bay, into the deep water of the lake/ocean. The dream includes multiple trips, sometimes alone, sometimes with The Captains. The grey stillness and lack of life beneath gives me apprehension, fear. But I have to do this. No choice.

I reach a point where I have learned enough from The Captains to be able to take the silver boat on my own, far past the cove, into the wide and waveless water. The grey sky and grey ocean feel like they join in the far distance. At the edge. The void.

When returning to the bay I notice the water is not empty, as I had thought. Tiny minnows, barely detectable, are swimming. A big surprise. I coast toward The Captains, who are seated in a different vessel, resting, to my left. The smiling, dark-haired captain, who has always worn the crown in the past, is no longer wearing any hat. I see his crown stored in a little round box, along with another felt hat, which is light brown.

Day notes:

Yesterday I had a new dental assistant to clean my teeth. His room was full of St. Patrick’s Day decorations so we discussed our heritages. His family crest (McCoy) has black ravens while mine (Sheehan) has white doves. He played Irish music for me and told me about The Celtic Junction in St. Paul. I had a new male dentist, also. Both very skilled. They are about the same age (early middle-age).

All the stress in my life (Cullan’s difficult divorce, working with the Mayo, my mother hospitalized for two weeks, my father’s lungs failing) has taken away most of my energy. I have been sick with a bad cold all week and stayed in bed for many hours, many days.

A huge snowstorm yesterday, at least 9 inches of wet snow. Cullan and my neighbor Mike did all of the shoveling for me.

My passed relatives said some of my ancestors were members of the Dakota Mdewakanton Community (Mystic Lake near Shakopee). So hard to know what is true. Only one online article says Wapasha had a daughter named Grey Cloud, other articles don’t verify that.

The dream feels like being taught the multi-dimensional reality of the after-death experience. My energy starts to fuse with the energy of stillness.

I have had a lot of recent dreams that include plays and acting.

This dream environment has shown up many times over many years: a kind community living in nature along the sea. It especially reminds me of my Emerson dream and my dream of the Virginia Beach conference.

Am I wearing the crown now? I think of the felt pirate hat from Wyn’s fourth birthday. Meaning of “felt”: a past emotion? Wool, black sheep? Crown chakra hats? I am feeling a lot of difficulty with word memory, which may be affected by the stresses in my current life. My mind/brain function moving toward emptiness, the void.

Emily Dickinson: The Brain – is wider than the Sky

The Brain — is wider than the Sky —
For — put them side by side —
The one the other will contain
With ease — and You — beside —

The Brain is deeper than the sea —
For — hold them — Blue to Blue —
The one the other will absorb —
As Sponges — Buckets — do —

The Brain is just the weight of God —
For — Heft them — Pound for Pound —
And they will differ — if they do —
As Syllable from Sound —

March 10:

We worked on this dream last night and Peter brought up the phrase “grey matter.” That makes perfect sense for me. The empty water (clear fluid) made me think this morning about my Mayo spinal tap‘s normal protein rate result.

Cindy B. sent me beautiful journal pages she made eight years ago about Emily’s poem.

March 11:

At my acupuncture appointment today Dr. Yu played the old Mamas and Papas song:
California dreamin’
On such a winter’s day
All the leaves are brown
And the sky is grey

Lying under my needles I thought of this: captains have caps.

I had strong physical sensations for the first time at acupuncture. My body kept shimmering, especially the crown of my head.