TheDreamstersUnion

On Thursday evening at the Red Tara mandala in Glastonbury, I ducked into the bathroom over our dinner break and thought I noticed that my pupils were extremely dilated. As if I’d been given powerful eye drops. This shocked me for a moment. Then I dismissed it with the thought that it was due to the setting of the sun.

Once back in the ceremonial meeting room, I stood chatting with Sara from Boston and Adita the herbalist. Sara joked that we should all be in an altered state by now (after six days of chanting). She looked at me and had the same electric reaction that I had when I glanced into the mirror. She turned to Adita and said, “Look at her eyes! Look at her eyes!” I leaned toward Adita, meeting her gaze. But the ceremony began again at that moment, so that was the end of the conversation.

Since this episode, I have read that stimulation of the vagus nerve (the longest cranial nerve) causes pupil dilation. Yoga is known to affect the vagus nerve. Stimulating the vagus nerve reduces heart rate and blood pressure. It changes the function of certain parts of the brain. It relieves anxiety and depression.

I did not feel in an altered state when my eyes were open but when I closed them as we chanted I entered a luminous shamanic experience. That had begun on Saturday and continued throughout the week. The most mystical time of my life. That room at Earth Spirit Centre was indeed full of thousands of spirits. I saw them in my mind’s eye and felt them with my body.

(Friday, May 19, 2017) moon third quarter Pisces / tarot Moon

A very long dream that feels like it fills the entire night. I am conscious during dreaming of my effort to deepen and store the details. But what remains, primarily, is emotional memory, not visual or verbal recall:

I am a member of a very large spiritual retreat, attended mostly by women. As I move through the various rooms and buildings, many women approach me in a gentle, loving manner. They embrace me and whisper beautiful descriptions of my soul and higher purpose into my ear. They gaze directly into my eyes. This is so overwhelming and unexpected that only when I am alone do I realize that I wish I had reciprocated their blessings. They are all such precious, evolved human beings. I feel completely honored and respected. Connected at the heart.

At the end of the dream I am sitting on the wooden floor of the main meeting room with a friend (Bebetta from Milan?). I say to her that this ceremony honors the goddess Astarte. Neither of us are familiar with the goddess, but there are books about her nearby and we reach for them.

Day notes

This dream mirrors the Red Tara retreat at Glastonbury. I did actually verbally reciprocate honors to each participant during the “enlightenment dance” part of the mandala.

Astarte is an ancient moon goddess, dating back to the Neolithic. She was called the Mother of the Universe and Queen of the Stars.

I met a family at the mandala that had once lived in the Rudolf Steiner community in Germany (like Thom Hartmann). The mother’s name is Astrid, “from the stars.” At first, her son, daughter and husband seemed a bit suspicious of me as I described the Sunday morning arguments between my parents about attending church, since the focus of their lives has always been spiritual community (the daughter performs ayahuasca ceremonies). We grew closer over the course of the week, however, and I felt a wonderful connection to them. Astrid and her son were particularly loving towards me. We exchanged very warm embraces as they parted for their home in Portugal. Even as I think of this I miss them.

(Saturday, May 12, 2017) moon waning gibbous Sagittauris / tarot Hermit

I am on a retreat journey in the Himalayas. Our group walks a narrow path through a mountain pass blanketed with snow. I have been on spiritual gatherings many times with everyone here, over the course of hundreds or perhaps thousands of years. I recall each episode in complete detail.

Alysia Miller, the designer I work with in Phoenix, is at the back of the trail. She is suffering from serious health issues. Somehow I have visibility to her medical test results: the numbers shift erratically, like Chris’ heart rhythms undergoing atrial fibrillation.

She must rest. She cannot continue to walk. I find a primitive sled made of small logs bound together with twine. I embrace her gently and lower her down onto the wooden carrier. I will pull her along the trail behind me.

As she relaxes onto the sled, a giant red and gold bird nuzzles us both, lovingly. The bird is the size of a human, maybe bigger, with soft, silky, downy feathers. Like an owl. The sweet touch of feathers brings me total joy.

Day notes:

There were two women at the Red Tara retreat in Glastonbury named Alycia. One was my roommate, a psychologist from Lithuania.

Chris’ pre-op test results came in the mail today. His atrial fibrillation is pretty constant these days.

On our way to the St. Croix Valley Pottery Tour this morning, Cullan and I passed by a giant chainsaw sculpture of a cardinal. Red bird.