(Thursday, July 3, 2014) I dream I am with Kathy Day (my sister-in-law). We are on a train. Each car of the train contains a movie screen that allows us to access movies that are beyond two dimensions. We move from car to car, from movie to movie. When I wake up I realize that I am with Dr. Sabine Lucas, not Kathy. They have a similar build and haircut. Dr. Lucas is guiding me from past life to past life.
09 09 09
In preparation for my meeting with Sabine Lucas in September, I have started going through my dream journals. I found this dream from 2009:
Chris and I are at some kind of compound. Something happens there to his body. He has just 24 hours to live. A female worker shows me the room where bodies are processed. I don’t want to see, but she insists. There is a large room with a concrete floor. A body is spread-eagle, women are sewing a shroud that conforms to the shape of the body. They take long stitches, the muslin is a natural, unbleached color. The woman lifts a corner of the shroud, I see the decomposition of the body. They add chemicals to aid the process.
So we go home, we have an appointment at the facility at 11 that night, and the next morning. Suchi Sairam is somehow involved.
I look at Chris and say, “We have just this one day left together.” We plan to make love, but I also urge him to call family to say goodbye. He tries to call Scott, but the phone doesn’t seem to connect properly. Scott can’t hear him. I think he should call his mother, Cullan.
The workers come and deliver Chris’ body. It is in a fitted shroud. His body is like a murder scene diagram, with arms and legs spread open. Not composed as if ready to lie in a coffin. Lola comes and lays on one of his legs, like a guardian.
He is still with me, it seems, in the flesh. But I cannot understand how he can be dead and “alive” in the same house. I have a lot of anxiety about our short time together.
The next morning I begin to think about what to do with the house, where to live now that I am alone.
Day notes:
This seems to me to be a precognition of Chris’ near-death experiences in 2010 and 2011. In the fall of 2010, one year after this dream, he had surgery on his femur which resulted in a near-fatal bout of sepsis (blood infection). In the spring of 2011 he nearly died from an aortic dissection, which was repaired by sewing a channel made of Dacron into his artery.
Interesting that Lola guards his leg, and that he has two appointments with the “facility.” His state of being alive and dead simultaneously is like being in a coma.
This is a bit of a shadow of my recent dream, “Tree of Life Artwork,” where I am creating a sculpture with canvas.
Suchi’s husband is the mental health department head at Health East, which is where Chris spent rehab after his aortic dissection. There was an East Indian physician at Bethesda, the head of the brain injury rehab unit, who would call me every day and talk to me about Chris’ progress. She was an angel.
Fragment: “My Death is Approaching Soon”
(Saturday, June 28, 2014) New moon in Cancer on June 27. My nights and mornings have been full of dreaming. I awaken with the sense of having done lots of good work but without complete memories of the dreams themselves.
Except this fragment: “My death is approaching soon.” I don’t know if I hear a voice proclaim this or if the message presents itself as a new awareness. When I awaken I interpret the statement to be what Nigel Hamilton calls Mortificatio. Death preceding birth to a new plane of spiritual understanding. I am excited and feel grateful. But as the day wears on I am unsure. Is it my death? Or is a (forgotten) dream character telling me about their imminent death? Chris has been complaining of back pain and that resurrects fears in me about his heart.
Our owl has been calling from the pine tree near my bedroom window for the past couple of nights.