TheDreamstersUnion

Kevin is around 12-13 years old. He is with a woman who is like his “helper”. They ski down a ski hill together. Later, they sit and talk. Kevin’s voice is higher like when he was young. I’m not even sure it is Kevin. (I am an observer and I maybe cannot see Kevin, just hear him?)

Later, I talk to the helper. I tell her we had some difficulties as a family. (Paul and I were in the process of a divorce, though I don’t tell her this). I tell her I am glad to see him just be himself. I tell her at home he is moody and doesn’t talk.

Daynotes: I met with Kathleen and Shaney last Friday. Shaney told me about a book on apology by Harriet Lerner and a podcast with Brene Brown and Harriet Learner on apologizing. I listened to the podcast and have ordered the book. One thing that stood out was to just apologize for your part. So, with Kevin, my apology is for giving justifications when he first brought up me giving more attention to Rowan that Markus. (I did say I was sorry at that time, but then gave justifications). The other thing is just to be curious-ask questions and thank a person for bringing up whatever bothered them and promise to do better. Kevin’s other main issue with me is feeling it wasn’t my place to want to have closure with Rowan after Kevin cut off the reading every week. I thought I’d ask if he would Zoom and talk more about that.

I am trying to be my best self without giving myself away. I don’t want the kind of relationship we had in the past. I feel when Antonia is upset with me about something, he is the one that shares that. I feel like Antonia is the elephant in the room. She only has connected with us when we visit. And has said to Kevin she doesn’t want a relationship with us. That makes it so difficult for me to trust her. The podcast also said, that the apology conversation is not the only conversation. Other things can be brought up in the future. For me, I would love an apology from Kevin for cutting us off. That has been so hurtful.

The dream starts with a small group and I peeking in houses in a neighborhood. I see a female therapist resting on a bed in a house of a woman who I know and also know is out of town.

I start my dream group. (not sure where I am). The same female therapist who is around fifty years olds with dark hair is talking, but I cannot hear her because the radio is on. I get up to turn it off, but can’t do so. I ask Peter to do it and he figures it out.

A woman shares a short dream about her father yelling at her for something trivial. We all then work on these “art” pieces related to the woman’s dream. The pieces look like very large (a foot long) puzzle pieces and they are edible!

Everybody in the group ends up sleeping over night. In the middle of the night, I get up to go to the bathroom. I am/we are at Shady Oak. My mother is in the hallway in her nighty and bathrobe. My dad is in the bedroom sleeping.

Some people are ready to leave and go home.

Last scene: I look on a crowded bus for members of my dream group that shouldn’t be there. Some of them are hanging from an object attached to the ceiling. They get rescued.

Feeling: confused, but happy. I feel I am a part of the group, but not really in charge.

There is a pink Christmas tree. I am adding shiny pieces of material to it. Someone helps to finish it.

I am going trick and treating with a family.

I am trying to find a private bathroom to have a BM. I find a toilet, but people can walk downstairs and go right by it.

(scattered!)