Paul and I are taking a long bus ride. We stop at a large “complex” to eat. I then have to go to the bathroom. I see a sign saying the Ladies Room is two stories down. I walk down. There is a very long line. A young woman and I decide to go up to the men’s room. I ask the young, male attendant standing outside of the men’s room if we can use the bathroom and to keep men out for a short while. I look inside and see that three to five men are in the bathroom. I go in and sit down on a toilet in one of the stalls. My stall is against a wall and next to another stall on my left. The walls are short and I see the man’s head in the stall next to me. I think he saw me take my pants down. I feel embarrassed. I have a difficult time peeing.
I then go to get on the bus. Going to the bathroom has taken a good 20 minutes. I am really worried the bus left without me. I cannot find the original area with the bus waiting outside. I climb downstairs on a ladder.
I am then with Meghan, Jax and Chris. We are climbing across roof tops. Jax is pulling on my sweat shirt arms that I have tied around my waist. I ask him, “Aren’t you afraid the bus has left without us?”
Some scene where Denise is going “home” on a bus to California. It will take three days. She has flown to where we are but is taking a bus back. She seems worried about it.
Day Notes: Chris wrote and apologized for making me feel bad. That felt very good. After I thought about it, I wrote and apologized for taking it personally and not trusting her for caring about our relationship. Other notes, felt pissed at Paul for not putting things back-going into my “victim” energy. Nice bookclub meeting at our house. I have been looking for what to focus on to bring meaning into my life at this time. I feel I have let go of things that I was involved in like the art league, exercise at the community center, etc. that no longer “feed” me, but do not have things to fill in that inspire me. I do still love photography and dream work. I think it has more to do with getting out into the community.