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Atz stands outside a new cabin he has built. There is a wide, dirt path leading to the front door. I am observing Atz and am 20 feet behind him on the left. There are mice that come across the path, one at a time. When one is in the middle of the path, Atz raises his brand new, silver shovel and methodically cuts the mouse in two. He then picks up the body parts and puts them in a pile on the side of the path. This happens with about 15 mice. He will bury the bodies when all the mice are gone.

Notes: I worked this dream with Susan and Bryn. I became Atz. Here is what I wrote: If this were my dream, I am in Alaska. (Atz is the husband of a new friend named Bonnie. They live in Homer, Alaska). To me Alaska is “freedom”-the last frontier-beautiful nature-not so civilized-the state of mind I would like. There is a new cabin. A new house-new consciousness that I see/envision. I want to inhibit that.

However, there is a chore that must be taken care of first. My animus has to get rid of 15 or so mice. Mice can represent scrutiny; the attention to details that get in the way of the big picture and the joy of life. 15 mice= 1+5=6. Integration of two opposing forces, two powerful emotions that contradict each other. I am on this journey with Paul where I do fine-acceptance- and then I erupt-get angry. I don’t like when I lose it.

Ideas from Bryn and Susan: Cutting the mice in two symbolizes upsetting old patterns. (mice were on their “mice trail”). Mice cut in two= duality: joy/fun verse things that have to be done. Burying the mice bodies= burying what no longer serves me. Alaska is a new place/new reality for me. My left brain know how to handle the situation. I have a new tool to help me. Maybe this represents the support I have gotten here in Green Valley?

I am at a family’s house. I hold my nine month old girl. I see two of the kids from the house outside playing in the backyard. A third child comes out of the house and goes down the stairs by the door on a skateboard. I stand at the back door ringing the door bell. I want to ask the mom something. The parents don’t come to the door so I go around to the front.

I see my sister, Becky, in the yard eating yogurt. It is morning. I go to say hello. From where I stand, it looks like she is sitting in a bush. When I get closer, I see she is actually behind it. (now the house feels like Shady Oak) Then Becky is sitting under a large umbrella that is propped up on the ground. She says she is looking for a wide, open, nature place and can’t find one. I think about walks where I have seen no one, but can’t remember where the trail heads are. I haven’t been on them for awhile.

Now I put my baby down. She is now a small bunch of wild flowers. I see it needs water. I awake when I am on my way to get water for the flowers.

Earlier dream or from the dream above? is where I am showing slides of what my house looks like in Walker in May when Paul and I return from Arizona. There is still snow on the ground, but it is starting to melt.

Deb is visiting me. We are at the clinic. I find out I need a Pap smear, but a more thorough exam. I am waiting and waiting to have it. I have another appointment at 1:30 and I don’t want to miss it. The clinic is downtown. I go to this waiting room. Deb seems to be in charge of it. There is a large tree in the middle of the room with large branches coming down to the floor. I duck under branches and get to the trunk. Deb has built a fire in the trunk near the bottom. It is nice and warm.

For a while I watch a young boy. Then he leaves. There are a few other people waiting in the room. There is a strange, loner guy who doesn’t want anyone to sit next to him. Eventually, it is just Deb and I. I am very frustrated having to wait so long. I keep checking my phone to see what time it is. I start to wash dishes. Deb is very calm. In one part of the room are two beds with old quilts on them. There is nice bright light coming in. Deb lays down on one of the beds.