Author: bonniemitsch

Paul and I are taking a long bus ride. We stop at a large “complex” to eat. I then have to go to the bathroom. I see a sign saying the Ladies Room is two stories down. I walk down. There is a very long line. A young woman and I decide to go up to the men’s room. I ask the young, male attendant standing outside of the men’s room if we can use the bathroom and to keep men out for a short while. I look inside and see that three to five men are in the bathroom. I go in and sit down on a toilet in one of the stalls. My stall is against a wall and next to another stall on my left. The walls are short and I see the man’s head in the stall next to me. I think he saw me take my pants down. I feel embarrassed. I have a difficult time peeing.

I then go to get on the bus. Going to the bathroom has taken a good 20 minutes. I am really worried the bus left without me. I cannot find the original area with the bus waiting outside. I climb downstairs on a ladder.

I am then with Meghan, Jax and Chris. We are climbing across roof tops. Jax is pulling on my sweat shirt arms that I have tied around my waist. I ask him, “Aren’t you afraid the bus has left without us?”

Some scene where Denise is going “home” on a bus to California. It will take three days. She has flown to where we are but is taking a bus back. She seems worried about it.

Day Notes: Chris wrote and apologized for making me feel bad. That felt very good. After I thought about it, I wrote and apologized for taking it personally and not trusting her for caring about our relationship. Other notes, felt pissed at Paul for not putting things back-going into my “victim” energy. Nice bookclub meeting at our house. I have been looking for what to focus on to bring meaning into my life at this time. I feel I have let go of things that I was involved in like the art league, exercise at the community center, etc. that no longer “feed” me, but do not have things to fill in that inspire me. I do still love photography and dream work. I think it has more to do with getting out into the community.

Either Chris and I pick up Denise at the airport in San Francisco or she picks us up. We go to Berkeley. We drop Chris off there and then leave. I am worried about Chris and we have her suitcase. We go back and find her. She opens her suitcase and takes out some clothes she doesn’t want. I take these away for her. Denise and I are leaving her there with a man.

Denise and I talk about wrinkles/lines on our faces. I have one across my cheeks and under my nose-one long one. It is not attractive.

Day Notes: Chris had canceled our every other week get together the week before. She emailed and said she needed a break and that maybe we could start again in November. This triggered my ” rejection” button. I was feeling depressed that week as it was. Also, after Chris canceled I had three other people cancel different activities with me. I wrote back that it was fine but I hoped we could stay connected. I said our relationship is important to me.

On 9/6/22 Chris emailed and said that she had some memories that came up and that she was going back to a healer she has worked with in the past. This helped me feel so much better. I wrote and thanked her for giving me more information.

I am with a group of people. We are being forced to climb down this rocky cliff. We do. At the bottom are a couple of doors. There are two women who are a lesbian couple. They go out one of the doors first.

I am married to a black man from South Africa. He is an art professor. We are sitting in bed. A young, woman student calls him and asks about her grade. He tells her to read more about art to help raise her grade. He leaves and she calls back. She tells me she just got married this past year and that took up a lot of her time preparing for the wedding.

I am helping others get things from their rooms when we are liberated. This is difficult to do. It has something to do with notebooks that have information in them. I somehow have to get the information out of the notebooks and they are stuck in them with some sticky material.

Daynotes: Nice day. Prepped for having Dee and Ed for dinner. Then Paul and I bought material to stain the deck. In the afternoon we went out in the boat and went fishing for a couple of hours. Beautiful day. And we had a very nice visit with Dee and Ed. I feel like the depression is lifted.