Author: bonniemitsch

Chris and I are in a play. We are both domestics. In one of the scenes, Chris, another person and I all get tied up to these boards and then will get rescued. There isn’t a lot of time to practice before the play opens. I am nervous. A woman shows me where the boards are. I can’t find my phone to take a picture and I am disappointed. I practice wiping down a table with crumbs. People have recently eaten there. I will do this during the play as well. The woman showed me the broom and I practice sweeping the floor. Chris comes and I show Chris where to go on the set.

Day notes: On the 27th, I talked to a banker from Wells Fargo who have the AZ mortgage. Paul and I are putting the property into our living trust. She said I needed the addresses of our kids. I emailed Kevin and asked him for his address, not sure if he would respond. However, he did on Thanksgiving. He wrote his address, and signed off with I love you! I wrote back to thank him and said I love you too. On the 29th, it was his 40th birthday. I wrote Happy Birthday to him. No reply so far. A little ray of hope….

Deb had a miscarriage. She is with a group. We are to do a ritual. Earlier, someone from the group put the fetus in a bag along with the ritual objects. I remember a large, metal mask and some flat rocks. Deb is to sleep under these three, large trees. She has done this before. The group and I will bring a bed from the house for her. In the past, there had been a bed under the trees. Deb does not tell me about the miscarriage, but I guessed that it happened. I tell her that it is good to grieve, even thought having a baby at her age would be difficult.

I worked this dream with Kathleen and Shaney on 12/6/24. I became Deb. I am in shock and out of my body. There are five women around me. They help me outside. A bed is brought from the house and put under these three, large, old trees. I am laid down on the bed and a cover is put over me. I am in a simple, off-white gown. It looks old, like from the middle ages. The women create a half circle on the opposite side from the three trees. The middle woman holds up the mask that has a masculine face. It is for protection on that side of the circle. The trees are the protection on the other side. The women then, one at a time, put the flat, warm rocks on my body-legs, torso, arms and forehead. These help me ground and get back into my body. The emotions comes up and I cry. It is a blessed release. The baby is laid on my stomach. I hold and kiss the baby goodbye. The other women put a hand on the baby. Then I put the baby back in the bag. I get up. The bed is removed and a small hole is dug where the bed was. I lay the baby in the hole. I put a red rose on the body. The other women take turns and put a flower on the body as well. I shovel some dirt on the baby. The other women take turns and shovel dirt on the baby as well. The baby is now under the protection of the trees.

Five years ago, Deb had laid under the trees. Rowan was born five years ago and that is when the “abuse” started with Kevin and Antonia. Losing Kevin feels like losing Conor (still born) 36 years ago.This was a healing experience. This ritual is helping me to move on and start living my life again.

1. In the middle of the night I had the dream where Paul dies but do not remember any details.
   
   
2. I am new in town. I want to impress/get in with this group of people who are intelligent. One woman stands out. She has written a poem and sends it to the group to be published. I go to where the group is meeting. There are about eight people in the group. I stand at the door and listen in. A member of the group notices me and asks me to leave.

The woman poet is emotional about something and I hold space for her.

I am now at an elementary school. A little girl who is dressed up in a costume falls down outside in this wet sand and gets her face covered with it. School has just been let out and all the kids are on the way to their buses. I go inside a house where the man and the woman live. I ask for a cloth to wipe the girl’s face. I tell the woman what happened. With a purple marker, she writes Get Well. (I also had started to write Get Well). The paper had an impression of the mansion the man and woman live in.

I go outside, find the bus the girl is on and wipe her face, soothing her. I then ask the woman bus driver to let me off. Later, I am on a bus with a couple who know about me. They are rude, especially the guy who is a middle-aged, overweight person.