Author: Denise

(Sunday, May 21, 2017) moon waning crescent Pisces / tarot Coyote

I live in England, in a community near the sea. The shape of the village is a perfect square. The coast extends along the north edge of town, and the town center has been emptied of all structures except for four cube-shaped, red brick apartment buildings. Flats, I guess one would say in the UK.

So, these four cubes sit in an open field of beach sand. I live in the south flat. The other three are located like points on a compass or a medicine wheel: east, north and west. A roundabout is under construction that will connect the cubes in an oppositional spiral. Cloverleaf? I can’t easily describe the energetics, the movement of the spiral. It’s quantum and mysterious, at least to my waking mind.

A sense of caution is needed in this town. Danger can arise. Construction of new, safe neighborhoods are being planned for the central area.

The interior of my apartment is simple, humble and in need of some renovation. The current decor feels as if is from WWII and contains only four colors, pastel versions of the Tara mandala: salmon, pale yellow, sage green and soft sky blue. There are square ceramic tiles on the walls and floors glazed in these matte colors.

It is Friday afternoon. I have finished working for the week and am heading out of town for the weekend. I hear a knock on the door. A happy party of my male coworkers have come to play cards at my dining table. It is also their intent to guard and protect my flat while I am away. They start slamming down beverages so I inspect one of their clay mugs. They are not drinking alcohol — that is a relief! I trust them.

As I head to the back door, a young homeless woman pulls me aside. She is looking for a safe place to bed for the evening. We decide that she can put a mattress and blankets on an empty raised platform in the kitchen that once held a large iron stove, many years ago.

Finally I am free to exit the flat. The door opens to an old stone patio in a small brick courtyard. I start to walk across the courtyard and into the village.

Day notes:

Is this about the Manchester bombing? During the dream I think I am in a large city, like London, even though it looks like a village. Manchester is near the ocean, but not on it. Manchester-By-The-Sea in Massachusetts IS on the ocean. I read a story about homeless men who assisted victims of the bombing.

On Thursday evening at the Red Tara mandala in Glastonbury, I ducked into the bathroom over our dinner break and thought I noticed that my pupils were extremely dilated. As if I’d been given powerful eye drops. This shocked me for a moment. Then I dismissed it with the thought that it was due to the setting of the sun.

Once back in the ceremonial meeting room, I stood chatting with Sara from Boston and Adita the herbalist. Sara joked that we should all be in an altered state by now (after six days of chanting). She looked at me and had the same electric reaction that I had when I glanced into the mirror. She turned to Adita and said, “Look at her eyes! Look at her eyes!” I leaned toward Adita, meeting her gaze. But the ceremony began again at that moment, so that was the end of the conversation.

Since this episode, I have read that stimulation of the vagus nerve (the longest cranial nerve) causes pupil dilation. Yoga is known to affect the vagus nerve. Stimulating the vagus nerve reduces heart rate and blood pressure. It changes the function of certain parts of the brain. It relieves anxiety and depression.

I did not feel in an altered state when my eyes were open but when I closed them as we chanted I entered a luminous shamanic experience. That had begun on Saturday and continued throughout the week. The most mystical time of my life. That room at Earth Spirit Centre was indeed full of thousands of spirits. I saw them in my mind’s eye and felt them with my body.

(Friday, May 19, 2017) moon third quarter Pisces / tarot Moon

A very long dream that feels like it fills the entire night. I am conscious during dreaming of my effort to deepen and store the details. But what remains, primarily, is emotional memory, not visual or verbal recall:

I am a member of a very large spiritual retreat, attended mostly by women. As I move through the various rooms and buildings, many women approach me in a gentle, loving manner. They embrace me and whisper beautiful descriptions of my soul and higher purpose into my ear. They gaze directly into my eyes. This is so overwhelming and unexpected that only when I am alone do I realize that I wish I had reciprocated their blessings. They are all such precious, evolved human beings. I feel completely honored and respected. Connected at the heart.

At the end of the dream I am sitting on the wooden floor of the main meeting room with a friend (Bebetta from Milan?). I say to her that this ceremony honors the goddess Astarte. Neither of us are familiar with the goddess, but there are books about her nearby and we reach for them.

Day notes

This dream mirrors the Red Tara retreat at Glastonbury. I did actually verbally reciprocate honors to each participant during the “enlightenment dance” part of the mandala.

Astarte is an ancient moon goddess, dating back to the Neolithic. She was called the Mother of the Universe and Queen of the Stars.

I met a family at the mandala that had once lived in the Rudolf Steiner community in Germany (like Thom Hartmann). The mother’s name is Astrid, “from the stars.” At first, her son, daughter and husband seemed a bit suspicious of me as I described the Sunday morning arguments between my parents about attending church, since the focus of their lives has always been spiritual community (the daughter performs ayahuasca ceremonies). We grew closer over the course of the week, however, and I felt a wonderful connection to them. Astrid and her son were particularly loving towards me. We exchanged very warm embraces as they parted for their home in Portugal. Even as I think of this I miss them.