12/27/24 Self Leading Workshop

I talk to a group of people and suggest that someone become the leader. I tell them all the leader needs to to is to suggest activities and then people can do what they want. One of the activities is covering someone with leaves when they lay on the ground, with just their head showing. I like that activity.

Deb suggests having a sauna. The two other women we are with do not want to do that. I tell Deb I am up for that. She is a bit hesitant. I suggest we go and start the fire because it is a wood burning sauna.

Sheila L. comes. She is coming down the aisle where Deb and I are sitting. Sheila pulls a muscle in her leg.

D.N. Kevin called in the later afternoon. He didn’t sound as depressed as he did in September. However, It felt like we continued to talk past each other. He is still holding onto where I have errored. Example: not treating Markus and Rowan equally. Being angry when I asked to have closure with Rowan when he stopped our Zoom reading. He feels that I was insulting his parenthood. I worked at not responding defensively. I told him that it has been a difficult year for me. That it is very hurtful to be rejected. I asked him if he had ever been rejected. He said he hadn’t but accepted that it was hurtful to me. I also said having our grandchildren taken away is very difficult. And that he probably wouldn’t understand what that is like until her becomes a grandparent. We left it where we would try to get to know each other as two people-not so much as mother and son. We are going to try by emailing each other. He still won’t let us have any contact with the kids.

I was thinking that Deb suggesting a sauna having to do with deep cleansing. Deb is a very positive, happy person.

12/26/24 Helping Feed Five Kids in a Family

There is a poor family with just five kids–no parents. There is another family and Paul and I who are helping to feed them. The grocery store has been “cut back.” It sells just basic foods.

I see the five kids walking to the family that helps feed them. I have been to the grocery store and have bought pork chops. I tell the kids to stop at our house on the way back and I will give them the pork chops. It has be to kept quiet. Otherwise, the authorities will separate all of the kids. The oldest is a teenager and the youngest is around five years old.

Feeling: happy

12/18/24 Kevin, Antonia and Mom

I am at Shady Oak. Kevin, Antonia and their baby are there. I am with them. We are on a field to the left of the house when facing the pond. Kevin and Antonia are cleaning up the field (picking up sticks, etc.) Kevin is holding their baby. He is fussy, but they have him on a schedule and Kevin is holding him off from eating. I ask him about that.

I am now with my mom inside the house. She tells me my boat (kayak?) has been moved to the left in the yard in front of the pond. There is to be some clean up or changes being made right.

Feeling: Feeling “careful” with Kevin and Antonia. My mom seems a bit nervous.