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I want to get pregnant. I am not in a relationship. There is a young man about 30 years old, who lives across the street from me. He agrees to be the father. Other neighbors have a prejudice against the man. I yell at them.

I walk over to the man’s house. I start to cry because I realize I also want a relationship as well as a baby. I am then sitting in the living room on the floor with my brother, Dan, my sister, Chris, and the young man. The man asks when I ovulate. I feel embarrassed and change the subject. I don’t want my brother and sister to know that the man will be impregnating me.

Scene where I see two prostitutes. One of them gives birth and leaves the baby. I wrap the baby up in some material. I walk to the young man’s house. When I am walking through the neighborhood a large German Shepard barks and comes towards me. I keep saying No! to the dog. The male owner comes out and asks for my name, my phone number and where I am going. I am on Baker Road (road close to where I grew up). I do not tell him anything.

I walk to the young man’s house. He is fixing something for a man. I wait. Chris comes. We go to another room. I show her the baby. It does not look like a baby. It looks like a transparent fish. It is having trouble breathing. I tear open the wrappings. I don’t know how to take care of it; what to feed it, etc.

Day Notes: Flying to Seattle today to visit Kevin and his family. Also, we will then fly back to Minnesota for six months. Paul and I are not sure what Antonia will be like. The previous year she was not in a good place and we did not feel welcomed.

An Afro-American artist creates ten paintings. He is then not allowed to create any more by the Mayor of the city. Then he can convert one of his colored pictures to black and white. Then, he can convert the other nine to black and white. Lastly, he can create more colored paintings, but they have to be a smaller size. (I am not sure what the paintings look like). The artist is very patient.

I am playing with a medium-sized, green snake. It is in a basket with part of its body and head is up, out of the basket. It keeps trying to strike/bite me, but it is a game. A guy in his twenties come. I tell him not to get too close. He has never done played like this before.

A “If this were my dream” from Elaine:

Healing, Playful Transformation

If this were my dream, I am engaged in a playful game with a medium sized green snake. For me, green is a color of healing and this snake is a symbol of my own healing, especially after my knee surgery. I like playing with this snake and realize that my healing is beginning; I have shed the pain, for the most part from my surgery. There is still a give and take as I move forward. The healing is occurring and yet I am still in the game of the healing process. A new beginning, like spring, is a promise of new life, a transformation for me. I feel this in my heart chakra. The young man in his twenties could represent the active part of myself when I was in my 20’s and could move freely. However, that part of me has changed and needs to be careful, not to be too active and respect my healing process.