(Sunday, June 3, 2018) waning gibbous moon Aquarius / tarot two of cups reversed
I fall asleep early last night and wake up at 11 with a sense of eerie danger. Sleep paralysis. I have a vision of a dark entity attempting to enter the basement. I am able to get up out of bed and head downstairs to make sure the door is locked.
The entire night feels like living in shadow. A darkly lucid dream. In the middle of the dream I energetically connect with Chris’ heart. I feel it flutter erratically. My heart is in pain. This is not a memory of his aorta splitting, which happened at 2 a.m. in 2011. It is his organ failing. I grab my phone and try to call 911 but I cannot connect. I panic, digging around for his phone. I find it, and keep trying to call out. Our phones are more powerful now (in 2011 I had to stand outside the house to reach 911) but I am still struggling, I think because of my level of emotional hysteria.
I never feel fully asleep. The sensation of foreboding seeps into my body and my consciousness.