There is a festival. There are two buses of 2nd graders who arrive. I am with an older woman. We draw a picture of four, young guys who are well known musicians. Five, young guys come to look at it. They seem somber. They then walk away across this park. The last guy turns and the back of him is a small tree with yellow leaves. I get my camera and try to catch up with them. I see the other guys, but can no longer see the tree man. I am disappointed.
Daynotes: Rough Day. Kevin called and said how we/I messed up again. 1. Not giving Markus equal time/attention, 2. Didn’t come to meet Markus until he was 10 months old, 3. Not giving Markus as many presents as Rowan when he was a baby. 4. Not giving Markus an age appropriate gift this time. 5. Not knowing Antonia. 6. Says that he does not havpe good boundaries with us. 7. Lastly, he is stopping story time.
I said it feels like punishment and it doesn’t solve the problem. He is not only hurting us/me, but also the kids. I am sad, grieving, angry, hurt.
It certainly is not intention, but that first grandchild has a profound affect on grandparents. They are life-changing. Even though we equally, fully adore the second grandchild. Rowan’s physical conditions before his birth must leave a lasting memory for all.