I want to get pregnant. I am not in a relationship. There is a young man about 30 years old, who lives across the street from me. He agrees to be the father. Other neighbors have a prejudice against the man. I yell at them.
I walk over to the man’s house. I start to cry because I realize I also want a relationship as well as a baby. I am then sitting in the living room on the floor with my brother, Dan, my sister, Chris, and the young man. The man asks when I ovulate. I feel embarrassed and change the subject. I don’t want my brother and sister to know that the man will be impregnating me.
Scene where I see two prostitutes. One of them gives birth and leaves the baby. I wrap the baby up in some material. I walk to the young man’s house. When I am walking through the neighborhood a large German Shepard barks and comes towards me. I keep saying No! to the dog. The male owner comes out and asks for my name, my phone number and where I am going. I am on Baker Road (road close to where I grew up). I do not tell him anything.
I walk to the young man’s house. He is fixing something for a man. I wait. Chris comes. We go to another room. I show her the baby. It does not look like a baby. It looks like a transparent fish. It is having trouble breathing. I tear open the wrappings. I don’t know how to take care of it; what to feed it, etc.
Day Notes: Flying to Seattle today to visit Kevin and his family. Also, we will then fly back to Minnesota for six months. Paul and I are not sure what Antonia will be like. The previous year she was not in a good place and we did not feel welcomed.