Category: Bonnie

Paul and I are in this small, old church with a full congregation. There is a young, woman minister.  Jarad is there. (neighbor boy, 7 years old from Brooklyn Park).  She has to shoot him.  There is a couple standing ahead of us.  Everyone is standing close to each other.  The couple steps back and knock into this refrigerator next to me.  They apologize.  I say, it wasn’t me, but the refrigerator.

Then we are all up close to the alter and sitting down.  The pews are facing toward the aisle.  There is a fire place.  It is all “sooty”.  The minister is close to the fireplace and up front at the end of the aisle. She was going to light a fire but can’t for some reason. She has something on her face, over her forehead that goes around her head. It is made of metal, black and rounded.  Jarad sits on a cushion in front of her in the aisle.

The minister is shaking, she does not feel comfortable having to shoot Jarad.  Jarad is crying.We are all sitting now.  Paul and I are in the second row on the left.  I understand that Jarad knows what is to happen.  I sit back in the pew (slink low-trying to hide).  Then I hear Jarad or this disembodied voice call my name a few times.  It is like I cannot ignor this and let it go on.  I am scared. ( I literally do wake up.)

 Day notes:  Weekend before saw Kevin and Antonia in Galveston.  Antonia got her feelings hurt when Paul gave her some advice that was the opposite of what she was saying and cut her off when she started to speak.  She was quiet on the way back and then when they went into the hotel to check in, broke down with Kevin and wanted to drive back to Houston.  I was very scared that what happened in 2010 would happen again, where Kevin would push us out of his life.  I felt bad for Antonia and realize that she has buttons that were pushed.   Kevin did respond to us, however and did not push us out of his life.  I texted an apology the next day that he read to Antonia and he said that helped.  Paul could not own his part in this, which is fine.  (Paul has a very difficult time apologizing, period).

I meet a man who has made a little New Zealand Boat.  I is very small, like a toy-6 inches long.  It is painted gold on the bottom and half way up and white on the top.  I find out more about it.  It smells of menstral blood because of something related to the culture and because young men and women are around it.  I want to teach how to make these boats when I teach science with Will Steger and these other science teachers.

I go to where Will and the other teachers are.  The students (adults) are there.  They work together to make a list of what they want to learn.  Will and I get into this water with our clothes on.  It is a natural, small pond.  The water feels great;  clear, light blue.  I talk and swim with Will.  I tell him I grew up not far from here (Shady Oak).  I feel very happy.

The other teachers come into the water.  I open my eyes and see a woman.  She is face to face with me.  We then all go to where we will teach.

Day Notes:  The last two nights I asked for dreams for the New Year.  I put a picture of Hawk, eggplant and Mt. Fugi under my pillow for good luck like the Japanese tradition.  I feel like the dream I had the first night was about negative beliefs/emotions:  changing them putting them to rest.  Last nights feels like the future of this new year.

I am living in a row type house in a city with stairs going up.  I have been away.  When I come back I notice my hanging flowers (outside) are dry and have shit in them.  Kelsi was to water them.  I talk to a woman inside.  She lives there also or “baby sat”.  Kelsi is in her mid teens.  The woman says shit is good for them.

I go outside with the watering can.  There is this black and white moose (small-big dog size).  Sammi (my dog in waking life) is there.  She is afraid.  I open this metal, black “cage”.  She jumps in and the moose jumps in also.  When I water the flowers on that side of the cage, she drinks some water flowing from the can.  Then Sammi and she are out of the cage going towards the gate.  The moose drinks more water out of a small hanging bucket.  Dan and Patrick are there (nephews in waking life).  The moose talks and thanks me.  She says she will be back.

Next scene:  I wrap Xmas presents.  I have cheese for everyone. I only have a small piece for Danny.  (I wrap a few things for everyone).  I go to where Patrick works.  I will apply there also.  He has a strict boss.  I worry I won’t make money, just get things in exchange.  I think about buying a book for Danny.  I think it is a psychological book he would like.  I feel good about that.